Been doing a lot of sitting around this past week. Yep, just sitting around. I am getting to accustom to this lifestyle it's very unfortunate. I haven't made much if any progress with my shoulder over the last week. To be honest I really don't do much of anything but work out a little and pre-hab my arm preparing for the worst. With a torn labrum, which is made of cartilage, there just isn't much I can do. So with that I show up to the park later than usual, about nine in the morning, so thats nice I guess. Getting to the park later than normal and leaving the park sooner than normal means I have a lot of down time. Time to just sit around and do what I do best, nothing.
Alarm goes off at 7:45 in the morning and I usually hit snooze once so I can grab an extra nine minutes in bed angry that I have to be up at all. I never fall back to sleep in those nine minutes so there is no real purpose to hit my snooze, I just do it and wait nine minutes so I can be rushed I guess. I've really been big on eating a large breakfast lately so thats usually what I consume my mornings with before the field. I honestly think I could get away with not even showing up to the field at all some mornings. When I say there is nothing for me to do at the field right now, I mean nothing, literally. I show up at nine which is totally to my discretion and I'm pretty much on my own. I guess they, being the Rays, don't really know what to do with me at the moment so they just kind of let me be. I am what we like to call, being on my "own program." I just work out on my own, say hey to a few of the guys, shower and go home.
I have a meeting with Dr. Andrews in Birmingham on the 22nd of this month I guess to be told I need to have surgery the next day. I am sick of not really being up to anything so as bad as surgery sounds, I look forward to getting away from here for a couple of days. Shoulder surgery sucks, but I think I need it so at some point I will have a healthy arm again.
Anyway, that was just a little update.
-WILL
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
June 6th update
Had a lot going on lately with baseball. Since baseball literally consumes most of my time, it is safe to say I have had a lot going on in my life. As you may know I've recently been experiencing some serious shoulder discomfort in my throwing shoulder. It has been right at a month since I pulled myself out of the game in Sarasota. Since then I've tried to throw on three different occasions and each was equally as unsuccessful. For some reason it has continued to bother me and just will not let up. The next step after a few unsuccessful days of throwing was to visit an orthopedic in St. Pete to have an MRI and an evaluation of my shoulder. With that evaluation I learned a few things: One, the work I previously had done is still in tact. So that was encouraging. Two, there is a new tear in my labrum. Not so encouraging. I find this so hard to believe since 270 degrees of my labrum has already been repaired. I mean how much of this thing can tear? Thats a question I have been pondering for a few weeks. Highly frustrating.
I have had a lot going on with my self as well. With this new tear showing up and me trying to throw through it and being unsuccessful more than once, I have been questioning how much I want to continue on. I have played ball my whole life and lately, well since 2007, I have not been able to get back on the field. Over time this has really started to eat at me and is now slowly becoming something I am really thinking about. To be honest, I really don't know what to do and the last week probably been my toughest yet. The fact that I am on the verge of yet another surgery paired with all the time I have already spent away from playing has really taken its toll on me. I am becoming more engulfed by this feeling everyday. So much so that I have began thinking time away from all this is the only thing that will help me get my head back on straight. Physically I am not afraid of any challenge, I've always thought the bigger the obstacle the more rewarding the outcome. Mentally, well thats another story. Its something I struggle with terribly. My lack of words for the struggle I have found myself in mentally really isn't doing it justice. Lets just say its something I have never really experienced. The struggle has gotten so bad that within this past week I sort of broke down at the field and had an overwhelming sense that I needed to get away. So I did. I threw a couple things in my car and drove myself down to Miami. I just needed a few days to get away and some time to think whether or not I should continue trying to play. To let you know I do have a couple of friends down in Miami so I didn't just go there homeless. Jared Koon is there with a five week summer project so I just stayed on his couch. His condo was right in the heart of downtown Miami, which is not to be confused with any Latin American country. I felt like I was in Cuba. Anyhow, it was good to get away and see some of the city and Miami Beach as well. Koon and I had a lot of good conversation with the little time we got to spend together. On my way out I had lunch with another friend of mine, Chris Coghlan. He and I ate lunch for about 2 hours and we really had a good fellowship. His perspective on life is so God driven that talking to guys like him really make things here on earth seem okay.
It was on the drive home when I really came to a decision to have another surgery to repair my arm. Over the past month I have been on a fence with whether or not to continue playing or hang it up. I decided to give it another shot and though I haven't had the arm repaired yet and I still struggle with my purpose here(which is a blog for another day), it is the first of many difficult decisions I will have to over the next few months. We expect to hear back from Dr. Andrews secretary sometime tomorrow and then we will find out when they will be able to squeeze me in for surgery.
I wanted to just update the people who read this on whats been going on with me lately. I decided no to go into grave detail about all the things going on with me right now because I don't think its really worth it right now, but I will say this, if you have a prayer list I would like to be on it..
I have had a lot going on with my self as well. With this new tear showing up and me trying to throw through it and being unsuccessful more than once, I have been questioning how much I want to continue on. I have played ball my whole life and lately, well since 2007, I have not been able to get back on the field. Over time this has really started to eat at me and is now slowly becoming something I am really thinking about. To be honest, I really don't know what to do and the last week probably been my toughest yet. The fact that I am on the verge of yet another surgery paired with all the time I have already spent away from playing has really taken its toll on me. I am becoming more engulfed by this feeling everyday. So much so that I have began thinking time away from all this is the only thing that will help me get my head back on straight. Physically I am not afraid of any challenge, I've always thought the bigger the obstacle the more rewarding the outcome. Mentally, well thats another story. Its something I struggle with terribly. My lack of words for the struggle I have found myself in mentally really isn't doing it justice. Lets just say its something I have never really experienced. The struggle has gotten so bad that within this past week I sort of broke down at the field and had an overwhelming sense that I needed to get away. So I did. I threw a couple things in my car and drove myself down to Miami. I just needed a few days to get away and some time to think whether or not I should continue trying to play. To let you know I do have a couple of friends down in Miami so I didn't just go there homeless. Jared Koon is there with a five week summer project so I just stayed on his couch. His condo was right in the heart of downtown Miami, which is not to be confused with any Latin American country. I felt like I was in Cuba. Anyhow, it was good to get away and see some of the city and Miami Beach as well. Koon and I had a lot of good conversation with the little time we got to spend together. On my way out I had lunch with another friend of mine, Chris Coghlan. He and I ate lunch for about 2 hours and we really had a good fellowship. His perspective on life is so God driven that talking to guys like him really make things here on earth seem okay.
It was on the drive home when I really came to a decision to have another surgery to repair my arm. Over the past month I have been on a fence with whether or not to continue playing or hang it up. I decided to give it another shot and though I haven't had the arm repaired yet and I still struggle with my purpose here(which is a blog for another day), it is the first of many difficult decisions I will have to over the next few months. We expect to hear back from Dr. Andrews secretary sometime tomorrow and then we will find out when they will be able to squeeze me in for surgery.
I wanted to just update the people who read this on whats been going on with me lately. I decided no to go into grave detail about all the things going on with me right now because I don't think its really worth it right now, but I will say this, if you have a prayer list I would like to be on it..
Monday, May 24, 2010
Update
With my recent shoulder problems it was a much needed relief for me mentally to be able to visit a doctor and talk with him about my concerns. I've thrown only 3 times in 16 days since I pulled my self from a game a few weeks back. Each of the 3 times I threw, my shoulder bothered me pretty bad, at least enough for me to shut it down before I even finished the program. I went no further than 60ft in any of the throwing sessions. So thats kind of where I am now. No throwing, just watching.
I went up to St. Pete today to get an MRI done on my right shoulder to see if any new problem has shown up..again. This was my 3rd MRI. Something I'm not proud of. I'm also not a big fan of the MRI machine, its like being in a casket or something, really a tight squeeze. I don't enjoy feeling claustrophobic. It was a long day in St. Pete. I had an 8:20a.m. appointment for the MRI and I didn't get to visit with the doctor until 3p.m. I did take a book so that helped. Like I said, the doctor came in my room at about 3p.m. and gave me some news that wasn't all that unexpected. He did a few strength test, took a look at the MRI and let me know what he thought.
The bad news is obviously I'm facing a huge hurdle standing in front of me since day one of the surgery so he just reiterated that to me first. This wasn't anything I wasn't already aware of so that news although not the best, wasn't anything unexpected. I did experience some discomfort in some of the tests he performed but my strength was "good." The strength isn't what concerns me, its the discomfort. He also said that there probably is some damage still done to the labrum. This damage could either be old scar tissue rearing its ugly little head or maybe something new. Without opening my shoulder up and taking a look inside, its difficult for any doctor to tell because of the magnitude of my previous surgery. This seems like it is bad news, but honestly it was kind of the best thing that could have happened in a bad situation. So, it was determined today that there is no obvious damage at revealed by the MRI. So thats a relief. Also, the area Dr. Andrews fixed 2 years ago seems to be 'doing its job' at least those were his words. I am feeling some serious discomfort in my shoulder but it was good to talk to a doctor and get his opinion or guess.
The other news though not good news is that my shoulder doesn't require surgery just yet. I honestly thought I was going to be on the operating table later this week. What we did do today was inject another Cortisone shot into my shoulder. I had one only 9 days ago and it didn't help at all. The difference this time around was the shot was placed directly into the joint. It was an extremely uncomfortable feeling but I hope it helps. Time will tell.
Anyway, thats where I am now. Just playing the waiting game of life. I think life is up on me and may be pitching a shutout. I did have a friend tell me recently
..This was and is all from my point of view
I went up to St. Pete today to get an MRI done on my right shoulder to see if any new problem has shown up..again. This was my 3rd MRI. Something I'm not proud of. I'm also not a big fan of the MRI machine, its like being in a casket or something, really a tight squeeze. I don't enjoy feeling claustrophobic. It was a long day in St. Pete. I had an 8:20a.m. appointment for the MRI and I didn't get to visit with the doctor until 3p.m. I did take a book so that helped. Like I said, the doctor came in my room at about 3p.m. and gave me some news that wasn't all that unexpected. He did a few strength test, took a look at the MRI and let me know what he thought.
The bad news is obviously I'm facing a huge hurdle standing in front of me since day one of the surgery so he just reiterated that to me first. This wasn't anything I wasn't already aware of so that news although not the best, wasn't anything unexpected. I did experience some discomfort in some of the tests he performed but my strength was "good." The strength isn't what concerns me, its the discomfort. He also said that there probably is some damage still done to the labrum. This damage could either be old scar tissue rearing its ugly little head or maybe something new. Without opening my shoulder up and taking a look inside, its difficult for any doctor to tell because of the magnitude of my previous surgery. This seems like it is bad news, but honestly it was kind of the best thing that could have happened in a bad situation. So, it was determined today that there is no obvious damage at revealed by the MRI. So thats a relief. Also, the area Dr. Andrews fixed 2 years ago seems to be 'doing its job' at least those were his words. I am feeling some serious discomfort in my shoulder but it was good to talk to a doctor and get his opinion or guess.
The other news though not good news is that my shoulder doesn't require surgery just yet. I honestly thought I was going to be on the operating table later this week. What we did do today was inject another Cortisone shot into my shoulder. I had one only 9 days ago and it didn't help at all. The difference this time around was the shot was placed directly into the joint. It was an extremely uncomfortable feeling but I hope it helps. Time will tell.
Anyway, thats where I am now. Just playing the waiting game of life. I think life is up on me and may be pitching a shutout. I did have a friend tell me recently
"a smooth sea never makes a skilled sailor"
..This was and is all from my point of view
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Music
Take a moment to think about the roll music has played in your life, see if its similar to mine..
I am no musician but I love music. I love everything about music though I'm no musician. When I think about music, it makes me happy. I go to music when I am down because it brings me joy. I go to music when I am happy because it makes me happier. I believe life is about happiness and finding joy so I love music because music has the ability to get us there. We are all on a mad mission to relate to find happiness and to find joy. Music is sort of a fuel used to kickstart the soul's search for that happiness. Don't you think?
I think about my life and the times where I have not been myself. Times where I am a little sad. I think about the times where I am looking for that perfect song that I can relate to, that song written by someone else who has been through something similar to what I am experiencing so I won't feel alone. We've all had "that song." It may be more that one particular song, you may have multiple if not hundreds, but you know the song or songs I am talking about. The song that hits home with us so we play it on repeat. We continue playing it on repeat until we are no longer alone either emotionally or physically. We love this song so much that we may even make a CD that holds up to 74 minutes of music but all we need on that CD is one song, so we make a CD with one song. I've done this. Am I proud of it, I'm not sure one way or the other, but it happened. It may take days or weeks or months to not feel alone emotionally, but physically may be a matter of minutes. If you are reading this you have experienced a sad time at some point in your life, just like me. I can say that I have had "that song" before. I continued to play it on repeat. I didn't take this into consideration until I hear a buddy say,
Music is so appealing because music doesn't discriminate. There is a genre for everyone. Personally I enjoy in no particular order: Country, contemporary Christian, folk, gangster rap(at times), classic southern rock, trendy club rap, songs by singer/songwriters who aren't labeled, 80's one hit wonders, mid-90's alternative and a number of others. The beautiful thing about music is that even though I named off a number of genres I enjoy, can you label me? I think not. However, I will admit music does say a lot about people. But my point isn't that, my point is that music doesn't discriminate, there is a genre for everyone. We all enjoy different types of music and though there are different types of genres, genres for everyone, its all still music. I think that is an important part of life. The connection music brings to everyone. Unlike sports teams, and other than the Tu-Pac/Biggie scandal, musicians don't really want their fans to have beef. You know what I'm saying? They just want those who enjoy listening to enjoy listening. To explain, musicians produce whatever music appeals to them, they begin to play for others, and others share their music with others. Thats kind of how the industry works. I'm not going to want to fight or talk down or think any less of a person because of the music he or she listens to. And the musicians don't encourage this. Unlike a sports team, where you can't pull for the Red Sox AND the Yankees, Celtics AND the Lakers or even the Rebs AND the Dawgs, in music its actually possible to like both Lil' Wayne AND Waylon, Phish AND Widespread and so on, without really being the subject of harsh judgement. There are no rivalries in music. I believe there is a reason for this. Music is not something that can really be understood. I can't explain why I like some songs better than others. Things that cannot be explained are things that are deeper than just surface level. They are things that have an effect of the human soul. When I pull for a sports team, more often then not its because of a particular human being they have on that team. When I like a song I have no clue why I like it. I cannot explain why I like that particular song, I just know that I enjoy listening to it. It has an effect on my soul.
Like I said earlier, I am no musician. I do however love singing. In 2nd grade I wanted to be George Strait. In 8th grade I tried out for choir because my mother was picking up car-pool and my friend Jacob wanted to. I ended up making it and he didn't. If it makes you feel better Jacob, I'll admit you can beat me up. Anyway, I am not a good singer but I really enjoy singing. It makes me happy. When I'm in my car, I sing, When I'm in the shower, I sing. When I'm in a choir and am off key, I sing. Like I said I enjoy singing in most every situation always have. I can remember walking into 12th grade English and singing some country song I heard on the way to school that morning. I still do that to this day. The only times I choose not to sing is when someone who has the gift of singing is near me. I choose to save my embarrassment for something that I cannot control. If i can help it I bite my tongue when I know someone who is with me is a good singer. For some reason, I am always either flat or sharp. An untrained ear doesn't really know the difference, but those who are blessed with a beautiful voice usually knows something is a little off with my singing. I'm sort of a nasal singer to say the least. It is quite embarrassing to be called out for being flat and nasally when I am so passionately singing "How to Save a Life" with my eyes closed and one hand in the air and the other on the mic. We've all had those moments where we get so excited to sing we just can't help ourselves to let it rip. How bout in the shower? Or in a room with great acoustics? This is where most go to refine their singing skills. Im guilty of this. I'll be in the shower singing or working on my nasal problem when I am impressed with myself. I'm like,
Music connects the soul to reality and permanently glues what we can see to what we can feel. And it is now ingrained in us forever..
..This was and is all from my point of view
-It would be appreciated for those of you who read to leave a comment or even a brief story on what they think. I'd like to know who is reading and who thinks like me
-I listened to Patty Griffin while writing this
I am no musician but I love music. I love everything about music though I'm no musician. When I think about music, it makes me happy. I go to music when I am down because it brings me joy. I go to music when I am happy because it makes me happier. I believe life is about happiness and finding joy so I love music because music has the ability to get us there. We are all on a mad mission to relate to find happiness and to find joy. Music is sort of a fuel used to kickstart the soul's search for that happiness. Don't you think?
I think about my life and the times where I have not been myself. Times where I am a little sad. I think about the times where I am looking for that perfect song that I can relate to, that song written by someone else who has been through something similar to what I am experiencing so I won't feel alone. We've all had "that song." It may be more that one particular song, you may have multiple if not hundreds, but you know the song or songs I am talking about. The song that hits home with us so we play it on repeat. We continue playing it on repeat until we are no longer alone either emotionally or physically. We love this song so much that we may even make a CD that holds up to 74 minutes of music but all we need on that CD is one song, so we make a CD with one song. I've done this. Am I proud of it, I'm not sure one way or the other, but it happened. It may take days or weeks or months to not feel alone emotionally, but physically may be a matter of minutes. If you are reading this you have experienced a sad time at some point in your life, just like me. I can say that I have had "that song" before. I continued to play it on repeat. I didn't take this into consideration until I hear a buddy say,
"Will, this is a great song and all but did you make a CD with just one song on it?"At this point you realize you just picked up all your friends and they may not be in the same state of emotional distress that you currently find yourself engulfed by, so I reply.
"Yeah man, this song is great. Have you heard it?"At this point you realize you aren't alone anymore, which at times is a relief. I say that to say, most of the times when we are sad or maybe down the songs we choose to listen to are personal and usually not appealing to those who aren't as down and out as us.He then replies."Yeah, yeah I have actually four times since you picked us up!"
Music is so appealing because music doesn't discriminate. There is a genre for everyone. Personally I enjoy in no particular order: Country, contemporary Christian, folk, gangster rap(at times), classic southern rock, trendy club rap, songs by singer/songwriters who aren't labeled, 80's one hit wonders, mid-90's alternative and a number of others. The beautiful thing about music is that even though I named off a number of genres I enjoy, can you label me? I think not. However, I will admit music does say a lot about people. But my point isn't that, my point is that music doesn't discriminate, there is a genre for everyone. We all enjoy different types of music and though there are different types of genres, genres for everyone, its all still music. I think that is an important part of life. The connection music brings to everyone. Unlike sports teams, and other than the Tu-Pac/Biggie scandal, musicians don't really want their fans to have beef. You know what I'm saying? They just want those who enjoy listening to enjoy listening. To explain, musicians produce whatever music appeals to them, they begin to play for others, and others share their music with others. Thats kind of how the industry works. I'm not going to want to fight or talk down or think any less of a person because of the music he or she listens to. And the musicians don't encourage this. Unlike a sports team, where you can't pull for the Red Sox AND the Yankees, Celtics AND the Lakers or even the Rebs AND the Dawgs, in music its actually possible to like both Lil' Wayne AND Waylon, Phish AND Widespread and so on, without really being the subject of harsh judgement. There are no rivalries in music. I believe there is a reason for this. Music is not something that can really be understood. I can't explain why I like some songs better than others. Things that cannot be explained are things that are deeper than just surface level. They are things that have an effect of the human soul. When I pull for a sports team, more often then not its because of a particular human being they have on that team. When I like a song I have no clue why I like it. I cannot explain why I like that particular song, I just know that I enjoy listening to it. It has an effect on my soul.
Like I said earlier, I am no musician. I do however love singing. In 2nd grade I wanted to be George Strait. In 8th grade I tried out for choir because my mother was picking up car-pool and my friend Jacob wanted to. I ended up making it and he didn't. If it makes you feel better Jacob, I'll admit you can beat me up. Anyway, I am not a good singer but I really enjoy singing. It makes me happy. When I'm in my car, I sing, When I'm in the shower, I sing. When I'm in a choir and am off key, I sing. Like I said I enjoy singing in most every situation always have. I can remember walking into 12th grade English and singing some country song I heard on the way to school that morning. I still do that to this day. The only times I choose not to sing is when someone who has the gift of singing is near me. I choose to save my embarrassment for something that I cannot control. If i can help it I bite my tongue when I know someone who is with me is a good singer. For some reason, I am always either flat or sharp. An untrained ear doesn't really know the difference, but those who are blessed with a beautiful voice usually knows something is a little off with my singing. I'm sort of a nasal singer to say the least. It is quite embarrassing to be called out for being flat and nasally when I am so passionately singing "How to Save a Life" with my eyes closed and one hand in the air and the other on the mic. We've all had those moments where we get so excited to sing we just can't help ourselves to let it rip. How bout in the shower? Or in a room with great acoustics? This is where most go to refine their singing skills. Im guilty of this. I'll be in the shower singing or working on my nasal problem when I am impressed with myself. I'm like,
"Dang Will, thats sounds pretty good!"Also I've had bad days even to my ears where I'll make an eww face and say,
"Dang Will, thats really bad, you should stop!"In either case, the reason I'm singing is because it makes me happy, music is special it does something to the soul.
Music connects the soul to reality and permanently glues what we can see to what we can feel. And it is now ingrained in us forever..
..This was and is all from my point of view
-It would be appreciated for those of you who read to leave a comment or even a brief story on what they think. I'd like to know who is reading and who thinks like me
-I listened to Patty Griffin while writing this
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Update
Lately I've had a little trouble being able to get on the field and play. My shoulder is acting up again. It began bothering me a little more than normal, even for me, about 3 weeks ago. I have developed a high pain tolerance for my shoulder since surgery and even with that tolerance as high as it is my shoulder still wasn't acting right. I pulled myself in the middle of an inning on May 8th because my arm was hurting to bad to continue. Since May 8th I have had about 10 days off from throwing, seen the doctor twice, and been given one Cortisone shot to help with inflammation. No one really knows what the problem is. The only thing I can tell the medical staff is, "if it hurts this bad, I can't pitch." The shoulder is such a complex joint that it could be anything at this point and with my medical history, who knows whats going to happen. So with that said, it's safe to say over the past two weeks or so I have been down in the dumps about pitching again. Darn thing is just hurting again. I hope nothing is seriously wrong because I love playing but then again I am well aware there is more to life than just baseball, so I can be at peace either way. I try throwing again Thursday(5/20) so I'm sure I'll learn a lot more then.
On a positive note I had my first buddy come visit me. Jared Koon was passing through Port Charlotte this past weekend and decided to come by and stay at my place a few nights. It was good to get a friend from back home down here to hang out with. I enjoyed him visiting since I don't get much company. There isn't really much to do down here but we made the most of our time spent in conversation. He has always been a great guy if you are looking for a meaningful conversation so I enjoyed my time spent kicking-it with him. He has decided to do a wonderful thing with his life working with Campus Crusade. He was just passing through PC on his way to Miami for a Campus Crusade summer project. He gets to spend 5 weeks in Miami with other members of the Crusade's family learning, sharing and growing in faith. I had a good time with J.K. and am thankful for friends.
On a positive note I had my first buddy come visit me. Jared Koon was passing through Port Charlotte this past weekend and decided to come by and stay at my place a few nights. It was good to get a friend from back home down here to hang out with. I enjoyed him visiting since I don't get much company. There isn't really much to do down here but we made the most of our time spent in conversation. He has always been a great guy if you are looking for a meaningful conversation so I enjoyed my time spent kicking-it with him. He has decided to do a wonderful thing with his life working with Campus Crusade. He was just passing through PC on his way to Miami for a Campus Crusade summer project. He gets to spend 5 weeks in Miami with other members of the Crusade's family learning, sharing and growing in faith. I had a good time with J.K. and am thankful for friends.
Friday, May 14, 2010
This sort of acting can't be taught..
I came across this video many years ago and still to this day this kid makes me laugh, both he and Zach Galifianakis have similar types of acting ability: the stutter. Have a listen
- This is one of my favorite YouTube videos of all-time!
- This is one of my favorite YouTube videos of all-time!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
SportsCenter
As of today my frustration with SportsCenter(on ESPN) has officially reached its tipping point. We all have things in our lives that at one moment or another drive us crazy to a point where we need to reevaluate what it is that keeps bringing us back for more. Its pretty simple for me to determine what brings me back repeatedly. Since I was a younger than I am now, I have always had a love of sports. Most of the major American sports: baseball, basketball, and football lead the list. Also, other sports like golf, soccer, and tennis I find myself watching daily, it seems like my love for sports just cant get enough. When I turn on a television my first instinct is straight to ESPN. If I am at home its ch.14, at school its ch. 32, in Port Charlotte its ch.29. No matter where I reside or visit I know where ESPN is almost immediately. And if where I am has DirectTV its ch. 206. Yeah, its that bad. It seems as though I was born with this instinct. Well, I believe I was born with a love of sports so in return my earthly instinct is drawn to sports. With this said, it is easy for me to understand what keeps bringing me back to that ESPN channel: I heart sports.
I had an epiphany earlier today about my craving of sports. I was watching SportsCenter, which at times seems like the only channel we have on in the clubhouse, and, it hit me. The light bulb went off and it became clear to me that SportsCenter, the show on ESPN, is ineffectual. It does absolutely nothing for me. It begins around 4 in the morning and runs until 2 in the afternoon. The same show. On repeat. Over. And Over. And Over again. I then thought about sports being a lot like history. Once something happens no matter how much we wish we could change the outcome in our favor, it has gone down in what we like to call history. For instance, when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 it went down as an event in history. It happened. The results of that significant event will never change. In sports, when the Rays beat the Angels last night, that event happened on May 11, 2010. Today, May 12th both Pearl Harbor and the Rays beating the Angels happened. They are events in history that occurred, the result will never change. I say that to say this, I don't really have a love for knowing about Pearl Harbor like I do knowing about the Rays beating the Angels, but I would rather spend my time hearing peoples opinions about why Pearl Harbor occurred opposed to hearing peoples insight on why the Rays beat the Angels. SportsCenter just doesn't give the scores anymore, which if they did I would be much more drawn to watch, they now like to: play all the new "cool" songs or use quotes from the song, check Twitter, try to be funny and "cool," criticize Tebow, and not to mention many others. Just give me the scores. I mean honestly, how can you decide it is cool to dedicate an entire segment to the feud between Dallas Braden and A-Rod? Now SC likes to give their opinions on every event. To make it worse, a lot of the anchors on SC like to try and be what we like to call: hip. I cannot take it anymore, and I can control my dosage of SC so I now will begin my week long boycott of the show.
SportsCenter does nothing for me anymore. I just want the scores, which I can find and create my own opinions about. I love sports and believe I always will but SportsCenter is just pointless. If you watch the show, try and notice all the "cool" innuendo's or popular quotes the anchors try and use. To me, it just seems the show is all about being "cool"
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Update
Currently I am in extended spring training which is exactly what it sounds like, its an extended version of spring training. Extended is like the 13th grade of high school. Well pretend you get held back in the 12th grade, and all of your best friends have moved on to college and adulthood, when you get out of school and talk to them each day you know that no matter how bad their day was in in college, you are still stuck in high school. That is a terrible analogy but maybe it will help sum up just what extended is like.
Although I am still in extended there are still quite a few positive things happening with my baseball career.
First and foremost, I'm still here. I am still a part of a great organization and have a lot of close friends and co-workers I have met a long the way, so I'm am thankful for that. I have missed a lot of time due to injury but I am still grateful for the opportunity the Rays are still giving me. Another thing, I am not getting any younger and as each day passes I realize just how lucky I am to have made it this far and also how blessed I have been to still have a chance. In a career that is saturated with young healthy talent, being the age I currently am is considered a veteran. I really do thank the Rays for being so patient with me on this long long road back, if someway I could pay the back on the field, I'd love that!
Second, I am pitching regularly now. Although my "stuff" isn't exactly back to where it was when I was completely healthy, for two months now I have thrown everyday and haven't missed a day because of injury. I must say, everyday is a challenge for me to say the least. Each day is tough on my repaired shoulder and I really do fight with it each day. I may be a softie off the field but when it comes through throwing through pain and discomfort on the field, I'm the champ. Some days are better than others though. I have, recently, seen a dim light at the end of the tunnel. The light is ever so dim, but I have seen it. There are days where I go out and throw and the ball just seems to have a little extra life on it, but there are just as many days where I'm struggling to even want to throw. My shoulder just isn't used to the work load yet. But I believe it will get there.
Lastly, I am throwing around three innings or 50 pitches each time I take the mound. That is saying a lot for the shoulder I am currently living with. I have now thrown three different starts on this plan..
My first start went really well according to my standards: 3ip, 0 runs, 2 hits, 3 k's and no walks. I had a feel for all of my pitches and was pitching to my strengths. Both my 2 and 4-seam fastballs were going right where I wanted them to. The only downside to my outing was my fastball velocity, I was pitching 85-87 mph. Although my results were great in my eyes, in the eyes of the front office, I needed to get more velocity. I would rate my first game a 6.5 out of 10.
My second three inning or 50 pitch game I was given one assignment: throw the ball as hard as you can. The front office said I needed to get my FB velocity up and throughout the week leading up to my start I heard the same thing from the coaching staff on more than one occasion. My whole goal was to just throw it hard, try to trust my arm and really let it go. It was a challenge, my arm wasn't really cooperating in the warm ups so I was a little skeptical about really letting it go. Once the game got going and I felt a little more comfortable, I turned up the heat. I asked more of my arm than I ever have and it responded. My FB velocity jumped from 85-87 five days prior, to 87-89 in just five days. My results weren't great though: 3ip, 7h, 6runs, 2k's, BB. Although I was down about me getting hit all over the ballpark, my assignment was to throw hard. And I did(well hard for me) I received some good comments post game because I followed through with my assignment. I would rate my second game a 6 out of 10.
Outing three was yesterday. I was a little nervous to see how my arm would hold up after asking so much from it in my previous outing. To be honest, it was a bit of a let down. My arm didn't respond well at all. The entire week of throwing was a bit of a drag and I didn't really have any good days in between my two starts. With that said, the results of my outing were a little better: 3ip, 1h, 0 runs, 2k's, 1 hbp, bb. My FB velocity was 84-86 and I think I touched 88 once. It was a struggle to get through yesterday, I'd say it was one of my toughest outings yet just because my arm was really bothering me. I did not feel like I could trust my arm at all. I was scared to let the ball go. It was tough. Nonetheless, I survived with a zero on the scoreboard. I would rate my third game a 4 out of 10.
Although I am still in extended there are still quite a few positive things happening with my baseball career.
First and foremost, I'm still here. I am still a part of a great organization and have a lot of close friends and co-workers I have met a long the way, so I'm am thankful for that. I have missed a lot of time due to injury but I am still grateful for the opportunity the Rays are still giving me. Another thing, I am not getting any younger and as each day passes I realize just how lucky I am to have made it this far and also how blessed I have been to still have a chance. In a career that is saturated with young healthy talent, being the age I currently am is considered a veteran. I really do thank the Rays for being so patient with me on this long long road back, if someway I could pay the back on the field, I'd love that!
Second, I am pitching regularly now. Although my "stuff" isn't exactly back to where it was when I was completely healthy, for two months now I have thrown everyday and haven't missed a day because of injury. I must say, everyday is a challenge for me to say the least. Each day is tough on my repaired shoulder and I really do fight with it each day. I may be a softie off the field but when it comes through throwing through pain and discomfort on the field, I'm the champ. Some days are better than others though. I have, recently, seen a dim light at the end of the tunnel. The light is ever so dim, but I have seen it. There are days where I go out and throw and the ball just seems to have a little extra life on it, but there are just as many days where I'm struggling to even want to throw. My shoulder just isn't used to the work load yet. But I believe it will get there.
Lastly, I am throwing around three innings or 50 pitches each time I take the mound. That is saying a lot for the shoulder I am currently living with. I have now thrown three different starts on this plan..
My first start went really well according to my standards: 3ip, 0 runs, 2 hits, 3 k's and no walks. I had a feel for all of my pitches and was pitching to my strengths. Both my 2 and 4-seam fastballs were going right where I wanted them to. The only downside to my outing was my fastball velocity, I was pitching 85-87 mph. Although my results were great in my eyes, in the eyes of the front office, I needed to get more velocity. I would rate my first game a 6.5 out of 10.
My second three inning or 50 pitch game I was given one assignment: throw the ball as hard as you can. The front office said I needed to get my FB velocity up and throughout the week leading up to my start I heard the same thing from the coaching staff on more than one occasion. My whole goal was to just throw it hard, try to trust my arm and really let it go. It was a challenge, my arm wasn't really cooperating in the warm ups so I was a little skeptical about really letting it go. Once the game got going and I felt a little more comfortable, I turned up the heat. I asked more of my arm than I ever have and it responded. My FB velocity jumped from 85-87 five days prior, to 87-89 in just five days. My results weren't great though: 3ip, 7h, 6runs, 2k's, BB. Although I was down about me getting hit all over the ballpark, my assignment was to throw hard. And I did(well hard for me) I received some good comments post game because I followed through with my assignment. I would rate my second game a 6 out of 10.
Outing three was yesterday. I was a little nervous to see how my arm would hold up after asking so much from it in my previous outing. To be honest, it was a bit of a let down. My arm didn't respond well at all. The entire week of throwing was a bit of a drag and I didn't really have any good days in between my two starts. With that said, the results of my outing were a little better: 3ip, 1h, 0 runs, 2k's, 1 hbp, bb. My FB velocity was 84-86 and I think I touched 88 once. It was a struggle to get through yesterday, I'd say it was one of my toughest outings yet just because my arm was really bothering me. I did not feel like I could trust my arm at all. I was scared to let the ball go. It was tough. Nonetheless, I survived with a zero on the scoreboard. I would rate my third game a 4 out of 10.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Outing #1
The long wait for outing one is finally over. Friday(3/26) I threw my first inning against a team wearing a different color uniform. It was one of those moments I'll always remember..
The bus left Port Charlotte at 11:20 in the morning headed toward Sarasota, Florida. The weather, was overcast with a slight mist, although it was warm. It was quite a different experience for me being on a bus, one of those things I knew I'd been a part of, but not in some time. I mean, its been two and a half years since I last went on a baseball trip, so the experience wasn't unexpected. For those of you who aren't really sure why I was on a bus in spring training, I'll explain. The Baltimore Orioles hold their spring training in Sarasota and we, the Tampa Bay Rays, alternate home and away games with their ball club so each team can get game experience before the season starts. It was our turn to go on the road, so we loaded the bus and headed up I-75.
Our starting pitcher was on a pitch limit of 65 pitches or four innings, whatever came first. He cruised threw the first inning, and ran into a little trouble in his second. In his third inning his pitch count started to get a little high so in preparation for my inning, I began a light stretch. My coach then told me our starter was done after three. I thought uh-oh I better hurry! I had planned on throwing the fifth inning especially after watching our starter cruise through his first five outs, but now I was having to rush a little to get enough throws to loosen my arm properly. Honestly it didn't really matter to me at this moment because today was all about MY one inning. The butterflies really started to get to my stomach once I got the affirmation that I had the fourth inning. I was in the bullpen warming up when I saw the final out in the bottom half of the third inning. The fourth inning was all mine so I put the ball down in the bullpen and jogged toward our dugout. Taking my eight warm up throws really was just a relief to say the least. With all the hours of rehab and time away from the game it was here, I finally got my chance!
I towed the mound like I always had. Right side of the rubber, right foot first, then a deep breath followed by a look at home plate to get the sign from my catcher. My first thought was how close he looked. The distance didn't seem right. I knew the distance was 60ft6in but when your arm feels pretty good, it sometimes feels like the plate is only at 45ft. This is one of the best feelings as a pitcher, it makes you feel dominant. I guess it was all the adrenaline and butterflies that took my mind off my shoulder for once and allowed me to just go out and pitch without worrying about my arm. My first pitch was a fastball low and away, well, at least that was the call. I missed my spot, badly! I missed high and tight in on a left handed batters hands. Bad miss! Although I hadn't done this pitching thing in long time I still do expect a lot out of myself, and missing spots is unacceptable. At this moment, after the catcher tossed the ball back to me, I took more time than normal to take a few breaths and relax. Breathing has always been an important asset to my success on the mound. It always slowed me down and kept me in the moment allowing me to stay within myself and perform. I knew I deserved a few breaths.
1IP, 0H, 0K, 0BB. I threw 16 pitches: 13 fastballs, 2 sliders, and one change-up.
Batter 1: Fly ball to center(out 1)
Batter 2: Ground ball to third + throwing error(runner advanced to second)
Batter 3: Line-out to right(out 2)
Batter 4: Ground out to short(out 3)
It was only one inning. But it was so much more than that to me.
The bus left Port Charlotte at 11:20 in the morning headed toward Sarasota, Florida. The weather, was overcast with a slight mist, although it was warm. It was quite a different experience for me being on a bus, one of those things I knew I'd been a part of, but not in some time. I mean, its been two and a half years since I last went on a baseball trip, so the experience wasn't unexpected. For those of you who aren't really sure why I was on a bus in spring training, I'll explain. The Baltimore Orioles hold their spring training in Sarasota and we, the Tampa Bay Rays, alternate home and away games with their ball club so each team can get game experience before the season starts. It was our turn to go on the road, so we loaded the bus and headed up I-75.
Our starting pitcher was on a pitch limit of 65 pitches or four innings, whatever came first. He cruised threw the first inning, and ran into a little trouble in his second. In his third inning his pitch count started to get a little high so in preparation for my inning, I began a light stretch. My coach then told me our starter was done after three. I thought uh-oh I better hurry! I had planned on throwing the fifth inning especially after watching our starter cruise through his first five outs, but now I was having to rush a little to get enough throws to loosen my arm properly. Honestly it didn't really matter to me at this moment because today was all about MY one inning. The butterflies really started to get to my stomach once I got the affirmation that I had the fourth inning. I was in the bullpen warming up when I saw the final out in the bottom half of the third inning. The fourth inning was all mine so I put the ball down in the bullpen and jogged toward our dugout. Taking my eight warm up throws really was just a relief to say the least. With all the hours of rehab and time away from the game it was here, I finally got my chance!
I towed the mound like I always had. Right side of the rubber, right foot first, then a deep breath followed by a look at home plate to get the sign from my catcher. My first thought was how close he looked. The distance didn't seem right. I knew the distance was 60ft6in but when your arm feels pretty good, it sometimes feels like the plate is only at 45ft. This is one of the best feelings as a pitcher, it makes you feel dominant. I guess it was all the adrenaline and butterflies that took my mind off my shoulder for once and allowed me to just go out and pitch without worrying about my arm. My first pitch was a fastball low and away, well, at least that was the call. I missed my spot, badly! I missed high and tight in on a left handed batters hands. Bad miss! Although I hadn't done this pitching thing in long time I still do expect a lot out of myself, and missing spots is unacceptable. At this moment, after the catcher tossed the ball back to me, I took more time than normal to take a few breaths and relax. Breathing has always been an important asset to my success on the mound. It always slowed me down and kept me in the moment allowing me to stay within myself and perform. I knew I deserved a few breaths.
1IP, 0H, 0K, 0BB. I threw 16 pitches: 13 fastballs, 2 sliders, and one change-up.
Batter 1: Fly ball to center(out 1)
Batter 2: Ground ball to third + throwing error(runner advanced to second)
Batter 3: Line-out to right(out 2)
Batter 4: Ground out to short(out 3)
It was only one inning. But it was so much more than that to me.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Another update..
My last spring training update consisted primarily of explaining, or trying to explain, how spring training works. Actually it was more about how the placement of all the players are determined. After 13 days of spring training, I'll begin explaining where I am exactly, more on my arm, and my outlook on the things that are to come.
Currently I am on the Bowling Green(low-A) roster, or in camp known as "group 4." There are also three other groups: group 1(AAA), group 2(AA), and group 3(High-A). This group is basically my working group for camp, therefore, I spend most of my day with this particular group. My group, group four, consist of mostly first year guys. Most of the guys are just out of high school experiencing their first times away from home. I'm sure it is a difficult transition for most of them, but they all seem to handle it well at least thats the way it seems on the outside. I can only imagine how difficult it must be because they are so young, usually 18 or 19. I was 18 once, seven years ago. So, I want you to try an imagine the topics of conversation that intrigues a bunch of boys with nothing but time on their hands. Yeah, you bet. Not usually the kind of conversation I enjoy. Ha! Honestly, they are all really good guys, just young and a little immature at times, that's all. I completely understand. Though meeting new people has never been a problem of mine, I probably have the reputation of being a jerk amongst group four due to my lack of interest in their "trending-topic". Although I'm consciously choosing to not participate in their day-to-day conversations, I am by no means trying to be a jerk to any of guys. I really hope they don't think I am at least. When I do engage in conversation I usually try and talk more productive things, like ball, or the world, or maybe at a later date when I'm a little more confident, my faith.
At this point in camp I couldn't be more pleased with how well my arm is responding to the unfamiliar usage it has to endure. My fear coming into camp was how it would hold up to all the throwing asked of us everyday. At this point it has held up extremely well. Like I said, I couldn't be more pleased. As of today(3/20), I have now thrown off the mound four times. My first two times off the mound this spring were just bullpen sessions. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with what a bullpen session is exactly, I'll explain. A bullpen session is when pitchers go to work on their craft, just a pitcher and a catcher. Most of the time the bullpen session is limited to a certain number of throws. In my case my number has been 40. The absolute most a pitcher should throw in the bullpen should be 45 pitches, with that said maybe you can get an idea of just how well my arm has responded. The third time I got off the mound I threw what we call in pro-ball a "live batting practice." The only difference between a bullpen and a live bp is a batter. During a live bp batters stand in the batters box and try and hit, similar to a real game. The frustrating part is I have to tell the batters what is coming. To keep the pitcher safe during a live bp a screen is placed in front of the mound to shield the pitcher from the come-backer. My most recent time off the mound was just another bullpen session of 42 throws. On Sunday(3/21) I will throw in my first intrasquad game. No screen. Just me and the catcher on a real field for the first time since September 2007.
I am not sure where I will be playing baseball this season. I have many hopes, but not real sure they are reality. My main goal is to just stay healthy, or as close to it as possible. Am I 100%? I'd have to say no. I believe through all the days of hard work and time put into rehab, I now may have a new 100%. My shoulder is no longer the way God made it and I am fully aware of that. I am aware that my new 100% may never be what it once was, but thats okay, I'll just have a new 100%. Am I close to my new 100%? I'd have to say yes. So that really does make me smile. My competitive spirit will probably never allow me to be content with how my arm feels or how well my fastball is coming out of my hand, but thats life, everyone has a difficult time settling. I always strive for something a little more, thats why I work as hard as I have. I want to be better tomorrow than I was today, and thats in all aspects of life. I do believe that if my arm were to feel the way it has the last month or so, I will pitch again.
Will my arm ever be the way God made it? No. I must accept it and continue on. I have been blessed with the opportunity to continue playing baseball, so thats what I'm going to do, I'm going to play. I have today, and I hope I am blessed with tomorrow. If God gives me a new day, I plan on being better tomorrow than I was today. Please remember, we can never get back the things that happened in the past, but we can always prepare ourselves for tomorrow. Both on the field, and off. We only have one name, and one life.
What do you want to be remembered for?
Currently I am on the Bowling Green(low-A) roster, or in camp known as "group 4." There are also three other groups: group 1(AAA), group 2(AA), and group 3(High-A). This group is basically my working group for camp, therefore, I spend most of my day with this particular group. My group, group four, consist of mostly first year guys. Most of the guys are just out of high school experiencing their first times away from home. I'm sure it is a difficult transition for most of them, but they all seem to handle it well at least thats the way it seems on the outside. I can only imagine how difficult it must be because they are so young, usually 18 or 19. I was 18 once, seven years ago. So, I want you to try an imagine the topics of conversation that intrigues a bunch of boys with nothing but time on their hands. Yeah, you bet. Not usually the kind of conversation I enjoy. Ha! Honestly, they are all really good guys, just young and a little immature at times, that's all. I completely understand. Though meeting new people has never been a problem of mine, I probably have the reputation of being a jerk amongst group four due to my lack of interest in their "trending-topic". Although I'm consciously choosing to not participate in their day-to-day conversations, I am by no means trying to be a jerk to any of guys. I really hope they don't think I am at least. When I do engage in conversation I usually try and talk more productive things, like ball, or the world, or maybe at a later date when I'm a little more confident, my faith.
At this point in camp I couldn't be more pleased with how well my arm is responding to the unfamiliar usage it has to endure. My fear coming into camp was how it would hold up to all the throwing asked of us everyday. At this point it has held up extremely well. Like I said, I couldn't be more pleased. As of today(3/20), I have now thrown off the mound four times. My first two times off the mound this spring were just bullpen sessions. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with what a bullpen session is exactly, I'll explain. A bullpen session is when pitchers go to work on their craft, just a pitcher and a catcher. Most of the time the bullpen session is limited to a certain number of throws. In my case my number has been 40. The absolute most a pitcher should throw in the bullpen should be 45 pitches, with that said maybe you can get an idea of just how well my arm has responded. The third time I got off the mound I threw what we call in pro-ball a "live batting practice." The only difference between a bullpen and a live bp is a batter. During a live bp batters stand in the batters box and try and hit, similar to a real game. The frustrating part is I have to tell the batters what is coming. To keep the pitcher safe during a live bp a screen is placed in front of the mound to shield the pitcher from the come-backer. My most recent time off the mound was just another bullpen session of 42 throws. On Sunday(3/21) I will throw in my first intrasquad game. No screen. Just me and the catcher on a real field for the first time since September 2007.
I am not sure where I will be playing baseball this season. I have many hopes, but not real sure they are reality. My main goal is to just stay healthy, or as close to it as possible. Am I 100%? I'd have to say no. I believe through all the days of hard work and time put into rehab, I now may have a new 100%. My shoulder is no longer the way God made it and I am fully aware of that. I am aware that my new 100% may never be what it once was, but thats okay, I'll just have a new 100%. Am I close to my new 100%? I'd have to say yes. So that really does make me smile. My competitive spirit will probably never allow me to be content with how my arm feels or how well my fastball is coming out of my hand, but thats life, everyone has a difficult time settling. I always strive for something a little more, thats why I work as hard as I have. I want to be better tomorrow than I was today, and thats in all aspects of life. I do believe that if my arm were to feel the way it has the last month or so, I will pitch again.
Will my arm ever be the way God made it? No. I must accept it and continue on. I have been blessed with the opportunity to continue playing baseball, so thats what I'm going to do, I'm going to play. I have today, and I hope I am blessed with tomorrow. If God gives me a new day, I plan on being better tomorrow than I was today. Please remember, we can never get back the things that happened in the past, but we can always prepare ourselves for tomorrow. Both on the field, and off. We only have one name, and one life.
What do you want to be remembered for?
Thursday, March 11, 2010
When life hands you lemons.. (quite a long read)
This is about my arm, and me..
For those of you who don't know, I play baseball in the Tampa Bay Rays farm system. Farm system is just a fancy way of saying organization, sometimes farm system is used to simply refer to the minor leagues, so I am a minor leaguer. I was drafted by the then called Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 2007 out of Ole Miss, and spent my first year in pro-ball in Columbus, GA. Playing for the Columbus Catfish of the South Atlantic League, class Low-A, I had an up and down year, well half year. I ended up pitching around 30 innings that year for the Catfish, and when the year ended, we were champs! We took home the league championship that year, and it was so much fun. I then decided to take a week of before reporting to Instructional League, which is like a post-season spring training for a select group of players, and that is when I first began to experience some shoulder soreness. Managing to get through instructs, I was just excited to be able to take some time off after a long year of playing ball.
I picked up a throwing program in January of 2008 in preparation for the 2009 season, when that shoulder problem I first noticed back in September of 2007, really had become a major problem. I can remember trying to get through a 60 foot throwing program I couldn't even complete because of the pain. 60ft 6in is the length from the mound to home plate, and here I am throwing 60ft with a pain in my shoulder that was so intense I had to shut it down. I remember driving home that night and not being able to lift my right arm up to grab the steering wheel. I knew it was serious. I have never been very proactive about much of anything in my life up to this point, but I knew I needed to take some initiative about my shoulder. As weird as it sounds, it was a lot of me to ask of myself to give someone a call about something I thought needed to be done. I had to get my shoulder looked at by a doctor, like I said, I knew something was wrong. So, I called the Devil Rays.
After talking to the head minor league athletic trainer for the Devil Rays, we came up with a plan of attack for the situation. We decided that I should get on a plane a fly down to Tampa and get my should looked at by the team doctor. After an MRI showed some pretty significant damage to my labrum, I began to really worry. So what is the labrum? The labrum is different from the other common shoulder injury, the rotator cuff. Most have heard of the rotator cuff. The rotator cuff is a group of muscles and tendons where the labrum is a ring like structure that sits between the top of the humorous head and a part of the should blade. It basically acts as a cushion. The labrum is made of cartilage, and the rotator cuff is mostly muscles. I began a pre-hab at home in Tupelo to begin strengthening my shoulder to see if we could keep from having surgery. My shoulder bad become stronger and more stable, but the labrum just wouldn't get any better.
After spring training 2008 I decided to go ahead and have my shoulder operated on. On April 10, 2008 Dr. James Andrews operated on my shoulder. I remember waking up to him telling me he had done a lot of work in there. I didn't know just how serious he was. When I was in more of a comprehensive state of mind I had the operation better explained to me. I was told of the 360 degrees of a circle, 270 had to be repaired. Meaning 270 degrees of my labrum had been torn. Dr. Andrews used what he called "anchors" to attach my labrum back to the bone, where it belongs. A total of nine anchors were used in the operation. The common labrum surgery is a labral debridement, which is when there are fragments of the labrum causing some discomfort in the shoulder, in this operation there are no anchors needed. Its better understood simply as clipping a hang nail. So a labral debridement is basically like clipping a hang nail. No repair needed, just a little clip here and there. My problem was a little more complex than this. I needed a labrum repair. The common labrum repair usually consist of no more than two anchors, I have nine. So the extent of my shoulder pain may be better explained by those nine anchors. It was something serious. Gosh it was painful. For those of you who don't know, Drew Brees had the same shoulder surgery as I have. I believe he has 11 anchors. His labrum tear was caused by a forceful hit where he landed awkwardly. Dr. Andrews said my shoulder was in the top 5% of the worst shoulder surgeries he had done for a competitive overhand thrower. Im guessing Drew Brees is probably the 1%. Things have worked out well for him!! HA!!
Missing all of the 2008 season really was a disappointment. I spent the entire season, From April through the middle of October living in St. Petersburg, Florida rehabbing my shoulder. Rehab was six days a week. It was a long but eventful summer, I got lucky and had some awesome roommates. We kept ourselves busy away from the field with a number of hobbies. Although missing a year of playing ball seemed so tragic at first, it wasn't all that bad. I understood the rehab process was going to be long, so I tried to make the best of what I was given. I was constantly telling myself, "you'll be back in a year." I made a lot of progress that summer, but it was slow. It was the smallest of baby steps. I just kept reminding myself, "you'll be back in a year!"
One year later, it was now March 2009 and spring training was beginning. I showed up to camp in 2009 with the belief that I was going to break with a team at the end of camp and play baseball all year long. That did not happen. My shoulder just wasn't ready. I thought "okay, I'll be ready in a month," This didn't happen either. My shoulder still had a long way to go. Though I had made tremendous strides in my rehabilitation process, throwing was still very painful. This was a very difficult time for me. A lot of negative thoughts began to creep into my head: doubt, worry, frustration. Unlike the previous summer, 2009 was a lot more difficult. I spent a lot of time alone and a lot of time questioning if this was what I really wanted to do with my life. It was just a hard summer for me. I was so disappointed when I realized I was going to miss the 2009 season, just like I missed the 2008 season. Just like 2008, the 2009 season was going to be spent in rehab. UGH!
Now its March of 2010 and here we are again, spring training. Over the last year, I have had a number of convictions about the game of baseball, the gift of life, and the way I should approach 2010. I told myself I will always work hard and always put a smile on my face. The game is a kids game, it has always been fun to me and I will continue to let this game be fun to me, with or without nine anchors. I have always treated the game with respect, but also it sure is fun. I pushed my arm over the off-season harder than I ever have since surgery to prepare for 2010. I would never be able to live with myself if I knew had I worked a little harder, I could have played again. I really asked a lot of my arm over the off-season, and over time it began responding.
Though I have not yet participated in a baseball game since 2007, I am currently participating in all the drills, all the runs, and all the laughs. It has been a very long and difficult two years, due to a number of different things. At this point, right here and right now, all I have is today. All anyone has right now is today. All I can do is pray to God to give me tomorrow, and if he does, try and live a life worth following. I have today and also the ability to prepare already for my future. At 25, I finally understand that the things I do today will remain with me the rest of my life.
What do you want to be remembered for?
For those of you who don't know, I play baseball in the Tampa Bay Rays farm system. Farm system is just a fancy way of saying organization, sometimes farm system is used to simply refer to the minor leagues, so I am a minor leaguer. I was drafted by the then called Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 2007 out of Ole Miss, and spent my first year in pro-ball in Columbus, GA. Playing for the Columbus Catfish of the South Atlantic League, class Low-A, I had an up and down year, well half year. I ended up pitching around 30 innings that year for the Catfish, and when the year ended, we were champs! We took home the league championship that year, and it was so much fun. I then decided to take a week of before reporting to Instructional League, which is like a post-season spring training for a select group of players, and that is when I first began to experience some shoulder soreness. Managing to get through instructs, I was just excited to be able to take some time off after a long year of playing ball.
I picked up a throwing program in January of 2008 in preparation for the 2009 season, when that shoulder problem I first noticed back in September of 2007, really had become a major problem. I can remember trying to get through a 60 foot throwing program I couldn't even complete because of the pain. 60ft 6in is the length from the mound to home plate, and here I am throwing 60ft with a pain in my shoulder that was so intense I had to shut it down. I remember driving home that night and not being able to lift my right arm up to grab the steering wheel. I knew it was serious. I have never been very proactive about much of anything in my life up to this point, but I knew I needed to take some initiative about my shoulder. As weird as it sounds, it was a lot of me to ask of myself to give someone a call about something I thought needed to be done. I had to get my shoulder looked at by a doctor, like I said, I knew something was wrong. So, I called the Devil Rays.
After talking to the head minor league athletic trainer for the Devil Rays, we came up with a plan of attack for the situation. We decided that I should get on a plane a fly down to Tampa and get my should looked at by the team doctor. After an MRI showed some pretty significant damage to my labrum, I began to really worry. So what is the labrum? The labrum is different from the other common shoulder injury, the rotator cuff. Most have heard of the rotator cuff. The rotator cuff is a group of muscles and tendons where the labrum is a ring like structure that sits between the top of the humorous head and a part of the should blade. It basically acts as a cushion. The labrum is made of cartilage, and the rotator cuff is mostly muscles. I began a pre-hab at home in Tupelo to begin strengthening my shoulder to see if we could keep from having surgery. My shoulder bad become stronger and more stable, but the labrum just wouldn't get any better.
After spring training 2008 I decided to go ahead and have my shoulder operated on. On April 10, 2008 Dr. James Andrews operated on my shoulder. I remember waking up to him telling me he had done a lot of work in there. I didn't know just how serious he was. When I was in more of a comprehensive state of mind I had the operation better explained to me. I was told of the 360 degrees of a circle, 270 had to be repaired. Meaning 270 degrees of my labrum had been torn. Dr. Andrews used what he called "anchors" to attach my labrum back to the bone, where it belongs. A total of nine anchors were used in the operation. The common labrum surgery is a labral debridement, which is when there are fragments of the labrum causing some discomfort in the shoulder, in this operation there are no anchors needed. Its better understood simply as clipping a hang nail. So a labral debridement is basically like clipping a hang nail. No repair needed, just a little clip here and there. My problem was a little more complex than this. I needed a labrum repair. The common labrum repair usually consist of no more than two anchors, I have nine. So the extent of my shoulder pain may be better explained by those nine anchors. It was something serious. Gosh it was painful. For those of you who don't know, Drew Brees had the same shoulder surgery as I have. I believe he has 11 anchors. His labrum tear was caused by a forceful hit where he landed awkwardly. Dr. Andrews said my shoulder was in the top 5% of the worst shoulder surgeries he had done for a competitive overhand thrower. Im guessing Drew Brees is probably the 1%. Things have worked out well for him!! HA!!
Missing all of the 2008 season really was a disappointment. I spent the entire season, From April through the middle of October living in St. Petersburg, Florida rehabbing my shoulder. Rehab was six days a week. It was a long but eventful summer, I got lucky and had some awesome roommates. We kept ourselves busy away from the field with a number of hobbies. Although missing a year of playing ball seemed so tragic at first, it wasn't all that bad. I understood the rehab process was going to be long, so I tried to make the best of what I was given. I was constantly telling myself, "you'll be back in a year." I made a lot of progress that summer, but it was slow. It was the smallest of baby steps. I just kept reminding myself, "you'll be back in a year!"
One year later, it was now March 2009 and spring training was beginning. I showed up to camp in 2009 with the belief that I was going to break with a team at the end of camp and play baseball all year long. That did not happen. My shoulder just wasn't ready. I thought "okay, I'll be ready in a month," This didn't happen either. My shoulder still had a long way to go. Though I had made tremendous strides in my rehabilitation process, throwing was still very painful. This was a very difficult time for me. A lot of negative thoughts began to creep into my head: doubt, worry, frustration. Unlike the previous summer, 2009 was a lot more difficult. I spent a lot of time alone and a lot of time questioning if this was what I really wanted to do with my life. It was just a hard summer for me. I was so disappointed when I realized I was going to miss the 2009 season, just like I missed the 2008 season. Just like 2008, the 2009 season was going to be spent in rehab. UGH!
Now its March of 2010 and here we are again, spring training. Over the last year, I have had a number of convictions about the game of baseball, the gift of life, and the way I should approach 2010. I told myself I will always work hard and always put a smile on my face. The game is a kids game, it has always been fun to me and I will continue to let this game be fun to me, with or without nine anchors. I have always treated the game with respect, but also it sure is fun. I pushed my arm over the off-season harder than I ever have since surgery to prepare for 2010. I would never be able to live with myself if I knew had I worked a little harder, I could have played again. I really asked a lot of my arm over the off-season, and over time it began responding.
Though I have not yet participated in a baseball game since 2007, I am currently participating in all the drills, all the runs, and all the laughs. It has been a very long and difficult two years, due to a number of different things. At this point, right here and right now, all I have is today. All anyone has right now is today. All I can do is pray to God to give me tomorrow, and if he does, try and live a life worth following. I have today and also the ability to prepare already for my future. At 25, I finally understand that the things I do today will remain with me the rest of my life.
What do you want to be remembered for?
Monday, March 8, 2010
Spring Training Update
Just got back to the Days Inn from day 3 of spring training 2010. Temperature is 72 degrees and there isn't a cloud in the sky. I could use some clouds, I have a terrible sun burn. The older I get the worse I burn, it's weird. It really is a beautiful day though. I took a look at the weather back home in North Mississippi and the weather is beautiful there too. My dad had some dirt come in today to help level out the back yard, he has been concerned about the weather, he didn't want it to be to wet so hopefully everything is going smoothly there. Watched some of the Oscars last night, was it just me or did George Clooney look like he did not like the jokes directed his way from the co-host, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin? I believe the 82nd Oscars were the first I have ever watched. I should add, I did not watch the entire show however, it was one of two shows I flipped back and fourth between. On HBO there is a new series, I caught an episode of 'How to Make It in America' and really enjoyed what little bit I saw. The cast was somewhat recognizable to me so I gave it a chance. Seems like it could have the potential to be pretty good to me or at least something I believe I would enjoy while I have HBO here at the Days Inn. I probably ended up only watching about 35% of the Oscars. I could talk more about this, but I will choose otherwise.
As far as how things have been going at the ball field, I would say they are going about as well as I could have hoped for. Day one was really long, a lot longer than most days due to the physicals. My physical time was at 7a.m. At about 10 that first morning I was really tired and found myself yawning, a lot! Yawning is one of those things you don't really want anyone to see you do on the first day. So, keeping that in my seemed to be my main focus throughout the rest of the workout. With everyone finished with physicals, it was about noon, we then finally got to go do baseball activities.
To explain a little how spring training works. The entire minor league camp is broken up into 4 different groups: AAA(triple-A), AA(double-A), High-A, and Low-A. The placement of the players depends mostly on where that player finished up the previous year. So, a player who ended 2009 in Low-A, will start spring training, in this case spring training 2010, in the AA group. Seemingly skipping High-A. Although it does seem that way, it is not however the truth. I'll explain. Spring training basically has two different camps going on at the same time: big league camp and minor league camp. Before spring training ever begins for the minor leaguers, a few lucky minor league players, usually the top prospects in the organization, are invited to big league spring camp. Their time in big league camp will come to an end at some point during the month of March, but just being invited to big league camp is a HUGE honor. As the season approaches the players will then be sent down from big league camp to minor league camp. Since each roster can only have 25 players, people have to move. As stated earlier, the players who are invited to big league camp are usually top prospects, so their move from big league camp isn't that far. Most of the players sent down will stop in AAA, therefore, causing players that are already in AAA to be sent down to AA, and those in AA to be sent to High-A, and so on. So, the player who ended 2009 in Low-A, will start spring training 2010 in AA, and due to the "trickle-down" effect that player will, at some point, be end spring training 2010 in the High-A group.
If you have any questions, tips or advise about my blogging, please let me know. I will be more than willing to listen or answer and questions anyone asks. Thank you for reading, and God bless!
As far as how things have been going at the ball field, I would say they are going about as well as I could have hoped for. Day one was really long, a lot longer than most days due to the physicals. My physical time was at 7a.m. At about 10 that first morning I was really tired and found myself yawning, a lot! Yawning is one of those things you don't really want anyone to see you do on the first day. So, keeping that in my seemed to be my main focus throughout the rest of the workout. With everyone finished with physicals, it was about noon, we then finally got to go do baseball activities.
To explain a little how spring training works. The entire minor league camp is broken up into 4 different groups: AAA(triple-A), AA(double-A), High-A, and Low-A. The placement of the players depends mostly on where that player finished up the previous year. So, a player who ended 2009 in Low-A, will start spring training, in this case spring training 2010, in the AA group. Seemingly skipping High-A. Although it does seem that way, it is not however the truth. I'll explain. Spring training basically has two different camps going on at the same time: big league camp and minor league camp. Before spring training ever begins for the minor leaguers, a few lucky minor league players, usually the top prospects in the organization, are invited to big league spring camp. Their time in big league camp will come to an end at some point during the month of March, but just being invited to big league camp is a HUGE honor. As the season approaches the players will then be sent down from big league camp to minor league camp. Since each roster can only have 25 players, people have to move. As stated earlier, the players who are invited to big league camp are usually top prospects, so their move from big league camp isn't that far. Most of the players sent down will stop in AAA, therefore, causing players that are already in AAA to be sent down to AA, and those in AA to be sent to High-A, and so on. So, the player who ended 2009 in Low-A, will start spring training 2010 in AA, and due to the "trickle-down" effect that player will, at some point, be end spring training 2010 in the High-A group.
If you have any questions, tips or advise about my blogging, please let me know. I will be more than willing to listen or answer and questions anyone asks. Thank you for reading, and God bless!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
My trip to Port Charlotte
I'm not exactly sure how this blog will turn out, or if I will even make blogging a new habit of mine. I am an awfully passive person when it comes to constructive habits such as reading, blogging, and eating healthy. Although, when it comes to things like sleeping in, fast food, video games, not reading, procrastination, useless thoughts, I am one of the best. Notice my non-constructive list outweighs my constructive list by a long shot. This is something I want to fix, I want to feel more constructive, become more positive, and try and be structured. With that little bit said, here is a "d" students* version of some things that I experience and the thoughts that accompany these events.
Today was the first day of spring training 2010 for the Tampa Bay Rays minor league players. Pitchers and catchers reported today, March 6th, for our first workout. After a long drive from Tupelo, Mississippi yesterday, I was exhausted. I somehow managed to turn a 12-13 hour drive to more like a 14-15 hour drive. I totally blame the Garmin. Darn thing had me go through Nashville to get to Florida. Well thats a complete lie, but it seemed that way. Ha, for some reason, at times I was told to turn one what seemed like two-lane county roads. I should change my settings or something, I don't know what was up with my Garmin's brain. Im sitting there cruising along in interstate mode and boom, two-lane! Some of the speed limits were as low as 35mph. Well with this interstate mind frame I was in caught up to me in the form of a patrol car from somewhere in southwest Georgia. I was pulled over for going 57 in a 45. I knew it too. In the recent pursuit of my degree in law enforcement, I learned more than I thought I did from talking to sheriff deputies about what civilians should do when pulled over to better their chances of maybe driving off without a ticket. I needed every bit of the things I learned and a good attitude from the police officer to escape this one. Luckily for me, to make a really long story short, I escaped the state of Georgia without a speeding ticket. Also, unbeknownst to me, a lot more than just a speeding ticket. It was one of those situations where you just get lucky. I got lucky yesterday, although as I said earlier, it was something I was completely unaware of.
Anyhow, I was eventually back in my car and driving south. I don't respond well to getting into trouble, can't really say I know anyone who does, but when I am faced with a situation like my speeding violation, I get really nervous. For the lack of a better reference, I don't have a good poker face. I was scared, honestly, scared. I pulled over about 5 miles down the road to "fill-up"(had a little more than half a tank), but I know it was to let myself "cool-off." It wasn't an hour later, I was cruising along in the left lane on I-10 just east of Tallahassee when the green BMW in front of me slammed on the brakes and swerved her car into the median, I followed. I hit my brakes and the anti-lock brake system in my car kicked in and I swerved my car into the median as well, dodging her car and coming to a stop quickly there after. Other than slamming on the brakes on I-10, the close encounter went as well as it could have. I wasn't hurt, neither was the young girl in the BMW. Other than being a little spooked, my car and I were both okay. To my knowledge, everyone ended up okay. Needless to say after my run in with the police and my near accident, I drove 10 and 2 the rest of the way.
The rest of the trip was all interstate and not as eventful. Once I get to Tampa, I feel like I am home just because of the familiarity of the roads there. I ended up making it to Port Charlotte around 9:30 last night, only four and a half hours after the required check in time for the players, 5p.m. I grabbed a quick bite to eat at none other than Walgreens, which is next door. It was more like a snack. I got in the shower and then ready for bed.
I thank the Lord for letting me arrive here safely, and also for the blessing he has given me with the opportunity the continue chasing a childhood dream of mine.
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