June 6th update

Had a lot going on lately with baseball. Since baseball literally consumes most of my time, it is safe to say I have had a lot going on in my life. As you may know I've recently been experiencing some serious shoulder discomfort in my throwing shoulder. It has been right at a month since I pulled myself out of the game in Sarasota. Since then I've tried to throw on three different occasions and each was equally as unsuccessful. For some reason it has continued to bother me and just will not let up. The next step after a few unsuccessful days of throwing was to visit an orthopedic in St. Pete to have an MRI and an evaluation of my shoulder. With that evaluation I learned a few things: One, the work I previously had done is still in tact. So that was encouraging. Two, there is a new tear in my labrum. Not so encouraging. I find this so hard to believe since 270 degrees of my labrum has already been repaired. I mean how much of this thing can tear? Thats a question I have been pondering for a few weeks. Highly frustrating.
I have had a lot going on with my self as well. With this new tear showing up and me trying to throw through it and being unsuccessful more than once, I have been questioning how much I want to continue on. I have played ball my whole life and lately, well since 2007, I have not been able to get back on the field. Over time this has really started to eat at me and is now slowly becoming something I am really thinking about. To be honest, I really don't know what to do and the last week probably been my toughest yet. The fact that I am on the verge of yet another surgery paired with all the time I have already spent away from playing has really taken its toll on me. I am becoming more engulfed by this feeling everyday. So much so that I have began thinking time away from all this is the only thing that will help me get my head back on straight. Physically I am not afraid of any challenge, I've always thought the bigger the obstacle the more rewarding the outcome. Mentally, well thats another story. Its something I struggle with terribly. My lack of words for the struggle I have found myself in mentally really isn't doing it justice. Lets just say its something I have never really experienced. The struggle has gotten so bad that within this past week I sort of broke down at the field and had an overwhelming sense that I needed to get away. So I did. I threw a couple things in my car and drove myself down to Miami. I just needed a few days to get away and some time to think whether or not I should continue trying to play. To let you know I do have a couple of friends down in Miami so I didn't just go there homeless. Jared Koon is there with a five week summer project so I just stayed on his couch. His condo was right in the heart of downtown Miami, which is not to be confused with any Latin American country. I felt like I was in Cuba. Anyhow, it was good to get away and see some of the city and Miami Beach as well. Koon and I had a lot of good conversation with the little time we got to spend together. On my way out I had lunch with another friend of mine, Chris Coghlan. He and I ate lunch for about 2 hours and we really had a good fellowship. His perspective on life is so God driven that talking to guys like him really make things here on earth seem okay.
It was on the drive home when I really came to a decision to have another surgery to repair my arm. Over the past month I have been on a fence with whether or not to continue playing or hang it up. I decided to give it another shot and though I haven't had the arm repaired yet and I still struggle with my purpose here(which is a blog for another day), it is the first of many difficult decisions I will have to over the next few months. We expect to hear back from Dr. Andrews secretary sometime tomorrow and then we will find out when they will be able to squeeze me in for surgery.

I wanted to just update the people who read this on whats been going on with me lately. I decided no to go into grave detail about all the things going on with me right now because I don't think its really worth it right now, but I will say this, if you have a prayer list I would like to be on it..