Update

With my recent shoulder problems it was a much needed relief for me mentally to be able to visit a doctor and talk with him about my concerns. I've thrown only 3 times in 16 days since I pulled my self from a game a few weeks back. Each of the 3 times I threw, my shoulder bothered me pretty bad, at least enough for me to shut it down before I even finished the program. I went no further than 60ft in any of the throwing sessions. So thats kind of where I am now. No throwing, just watching.

I went up to St. Pete today to get an MRI done on my right shoulder to see if any new problem has shown up..again. This was my 3rd MRI. Something I'm not proud of. I'm also not a big fan of the MRI machine, its like being in a casket or something, really a tight squeeze. I don't enjoy feeling claustrophobic. It was a long day in St. Pete. I had an 8:20a.m. appointment for the MRI and I didn't get to visit with the doctor until 3p.m. I did take a book so that helped. Like I said, the doctor came in my room at about 3p.m. and gave me some news that wasn't all that unexpected. He did a few strength test, took a look at the MRI and let me know what he thought.

The bad news is obviously I'm facing a huge hurdle standing in front of me since day one of the surgery so he just reiterated that to me first. This wasn't anything I wasn't already aware of so that news although not the best, wasn't anything unexpected. I did experience some discomfort in some of the tests he performed but my strength was "good." The strength isn't what concerns me, its the discomfort. He also said that there probably is some damage still done to the labrum. This damage could either be old scar tissue rearing its ugly little head or maybe something new. Without opening my shoulder up and taking a look inside, its difficult for any doctor to tell because of the magnitude of my previous surgery. This seems like it is bad news, but honestly it was kind of the best thing that could have happened in a bad situation. So, it was determined today that there is no obvious damage at revealed by the MRI. So thats a relief. Also, the area Dr. Andrews fixed 2 years ago seems to be 'doing its job' at least those were his words. I am feeling some serious discomfort in my shoulder but it was good to talk to a doctor and get his opinion or guess.

The other news though not good news is that my shoulder doesn't require surgery just yet. I honestly thought I was going to be on the operating table later this week. What we did do today was inject another Cortisone shot into my shoulder. I had one only 9 days ago and it didn't help at all. The difference this time around was the shot was placed directly into the joint. It was an extremely uncomfortable feeling but I hope it helps. Time will tell.

Anyway, thats where I am now. Just playing the waiting game of life. I think life is up on me and may be pitching a shutout. I did have a friend tell me recently

"a smooth sea never makes a skilled sailor"

..This was and is all from my point of view

Music

Take a moment to think about the roll music has played in your life, see if its similar to mine..

I am no musician but I love music. I love everything about music though I'm no musician. When I think about music, it makes me happy. I go to music when I am down because it brings me joy. I go to music when I am happy because it makes me happier. I believe life is about happiness and finding joy so I love music because music has the ability to get us there. We are all on a mad mission to relate to find happiness and to find joy. Music is sort of a fuel used to kickstart the soul's search for that happiness. Don't you think?

I think about my life and the times where I have not been myself. Times where I am a little sad. I think about the times where I am looking for that perfect song that I can relate to, that song written by someone else who has been through something similar to what I am experiencing so I won't feel alone. We've all had "that song." It may be more that one particular song, you may have multiple if not hundreds, but you know the song or songs I am talking about. The song that hits home with us so we play it on repeat. We continue playing it on repeat until we are no longer alone either emotionally or physically. We love this song so much that we may even make a CD that holds up to 74 minutes of music but all we need on that CD is one song, so we make a CD with one song. I've done this. Am I proud of it, I'm not sure one way or the other, but it happened. It may take days or weeks or months to not feel alone emotionally, but physically may be a matter of minutes. If you are reading this you have experienced a sad time at some point in your life, just like me. I can say that I have had "that song" before. I continued to play it on repeat. I didn't take this into consideration until I hear a buddy say,

"Will, this is a great song and all but did you make a CD with just one song on it?"

At this point you realize you just picked up all your friends and they may not be in the same state of emotional distress that you currently find yourself engulfed by, so I reply.

"Yeah man, this song is great. Have you heard it?"

He then replies.

"Yeah, yeah I have actually four times since you picked us up!"

At this point you realize you aren't alone anymore, which at times is a relief. I say that to say, most of the times when we are sad or maybe down the songs we choose to listen to are personal and usually not appealing to those who aren't as down and out as us.

Music is so appealing because music doesn't discriminate. There is a genre for everyone. Personally I enjoy in no particular order: Country, contemporary Christian, folk, gangster rap(at times), classic southern rock, trendy club rap, songs by singer/songwriters who aren't labeled, 80's one hit wonders, mid-90's alternative and a number of others. The beautiful thing about music is that even though I named off a number of genres I enjoy, can you label me? I think not. However, I will admit music does say a lot about people. But my point isn't that, my point is that music doesn't discriminate, there is a genre for everyone. We all enjoy different types of music and though there are different types of genres, genres for everyone, its all still music. I think that is an important part of life. The connection music brings to everyone. Unlike sports teams, and other than the Tu-Pac/Biggie scandal, musicians don't really want their fans to have beef. You know what I'm saying? They just want those who enjoy listening to enjoy listening. To explain, musicians produce whatever music appeals to them, they begin to play for others, and others share their music with others. Thats kind of how the industry works. I'm not going to want to fight or talk down or think any less of a person because of the music he or she listens to. And the musicians don't encourage this. Unlike a sports team, where you can't pull for the Red Sox AND the Yankees, Celtics AND the Lakers or even the Rebs AND the Dawgs, in music its actually possible to like both Lil' Wayne AND Waylon, Phish AND Widespread and so on, without really being the subject of harsh judgement. There are no rivalries in music. I believe there is a reason for this. Music is not something that can really be understood. I can't explain why I like some songs better than others. Things that cannot be explained are things that are deeper than just surface level. They are things that have an effect of the human soul. When I pull for a sports team, more often then not its because of a particular human being they have on that team. When I like a song I have no clue why I like it. I cannot explain why I like that particular song, I just know that I enjoy listening to it. It has an effect on my soul.

Like I said earlier, I am no musician. I do however love singing. In 2nd grade I wanted to be George Strait. In 8th grade I tried out for choir because my mother was picking up car-pool and my friend Jacob wanted to. I ended up making it and he didn't. If it makes you feel better Jacob, I'll admit you can beat me up. Anyway, I am not a good singer but I really enjoy singing. It makes me happy. When I'm in my car, I sing, When I'm in the shower, I sing. When I'm in a choir and am off key, I sing. Like I said I enjoy singing in most every situation always have. I can remember walking into 12th grade English and singing some country song I heard on the way to school that morning. I still do that to this day. The only times I choose not to sing is when someone who has the gift of singing is near me. I choose to save my embarrassment for something that I cannot control. If i can help it I bite my tongue when I know someone who is with me is a good singer. For some reason, I am always either flat or sharp. An untrained ear doesn't really know the difference, but those who are blessed with a beautiful voice usually knows something is a little off with my singing. I'm sort of a nasal singer to say the least. It is quite embarrassing to be called out for being flat and nasally when I am so passionately singing "How to Save a Life" with my eyes closed and one hand in the air and the other on the mic. We've all had those moments where we get so excited to sing we just can't help ourselves to let it rip. How bout in the shower? Or in a room with great acoustics? This is where most go to refine their singing skills. Im guilty of this. I'll be in the shower singing or working on my nasal problem when I am impressed with myself. I'm like,

"Dang Will, thats sounds pretty good!"

Also I've had bad days even to my ears where I'll make an eww face and say,

"Dang Will, thats really bad, you should stop!"

In either case, the reason I'm singing is because it makes me happy, music is special it does something to the soul.

Music connects the soul to reality and permanently glues what we can see to what we can feel. And it is now ingrained in us forever..

..This was and is all from my point of view

-It would be appreciated for those of you who read to leave a comment or even a brief story on what they think. I'd like to know who is reading and who thinks like me

-I listened to Patty Griffin while writing this

Update

Lately I've had a little trouble being able to get on the field and play. My shoulder is acting up again. It began bothering me a little more than normal, even for me, about 3 weeks ago. I have developed a high pain tolerance for my shoulder since surgery and even with that tolerance as high as it is my shoulder still wasn't acting right. I pulled myself in the middle of an inning on May 8th because my arm was hurting to bad to continue. Since May 8th I have had about 10 days off from throwing, seen the doctor twice, and been given one Cortisone shot to help with inflammation. No one really knows what the problem is. The only thing I can tell the medical staff is, "if it hurts this bad, I can't pitch." The shoulder is such a complex joint that it could be anything at this point and with my medical history, who knows whats going to happen. So with that said, it's safe to say over the past two weeks or so I have been down in the dumps about pitching again. Darn thing is just hurting again. I hope nothing is seriously wrong because I love playing but then again I am well aware there is more to life than just baseball, so I can be at peace either way. I try throwing again Thursday(5/20) so I'm sure I'll learn a lot more then.

On a positive note I had my first buddy come visit me. Jared Koon was passing through Port Charlotte this past weekend and decided to come by and stay at my place a few nights. It was good to get a friend from back home down here to hang out with. I enjoyed him visiting since I don't get much company. There isn't really much to do down here but we made the most of our time spent in conversation. He has always been a great guy if you are looking for a meaningful conversation so I enjoyed my time spent kicking-it with him. He has decided to do a wonderful thing with his life working with Campus Crusade. He was just passing through PC on his way to Miami for a Campus Crusade summer project. He gets to spend 5 weeks in Miami with other members of the Crusade's family learning, sharing and growing in faith. I had a good time with J.K. and am thankful for friends.

This sort of acting can't be taught..

I came across this video many years ago and still to this day this kid makes me laugh, both he and Zach Galifianakis have similar types of acting ability: the stutter. Have a listen



- This is one of my favorite YouTube videos of all-time!

SportsCenter

As of today my frustration with SportsCenter(on ESPN) has officially reached its tipping point. We all have things in our lives that at one moment or another drive us crazy to a point where we need to reevaluate what it is that keeps bringing us back for more. Its pretty simple for me to determine what brings me back repeatedly. Since I was a younger than I am now, I have always had a love of sports. Most of the major American sports: baseball, basketball, and football lead the list. Also, other sports like golf, soccer, and tennis I find myself watching daily, it seems like my love for sports just cant get enough. When I turn on a television my first instinct is straight to ESPN. If I am at home its ch.14, at school its ch. 32, in Port Charlotte its ch.29. No matter where I reside or visit I know where ESPN is almost immediately. And if where I am has DirectTV its ch. 206. Yeah, its that bad. It seems as though I was born with this instinct. Well, I believe I was born with a love of sports so in return my earthly instinct is drawn to sports. With this said, it is easy for me to understand what keeps bringing me back to that ESPN channel: I heart sports.

I had an epiphany earlier today about my craving of sports. I was watching SportsCenter, which at times seems like the only channel we have on in the clubhouse, and, it hit me. The light bulb went off and it became clear to me that SportsCenter, the show on ESPN, is ineffectual. It does absolutely nothing for me. It begins around 4 in the morning and runs until 2 in the afternoon. The same show. On repeat. Over. And Over. And Over again. I then thought about sports being a lot like history. Once something happens no matter how much we wish we could change the outcome in our favor, it has gone down in what we like to call history. For instance, when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 it went down as an event in history. It happened. The results of that significant event will never change. In sports, when the Rays beat the Angels last night, that event happened on May 11, 2010. Today, May 12th both Pearl Harbor and the Rays beating the Angels happened. They are events in history that occurred, the result will never change. I say that to say this, I don't really have a love for knowing about Pearl Harbor like I do knowing about the Rays beating the Angels, but I would rather spend my time hearing peoples opinions about why Pearl Harbor occurred opposed to hearing peoples insight on why the Rays beat the Angels. SportsCenter just doesn't give the scores anymore, which if they did I would be much more drawn to watch, they now like to: play all the new "cool" songs or use quotes from the song, check Twitter, try to be funny and "cool," criticize Tebow, and not to mention many others. Just give me the scores. I mean honestly, how can you decide it is cool to dedicate an entire segment to the feud between Dallas Braden and A-Rod? Now SC likes to give their opinions on every event. To make it worse, a lot of the anchors on SC like to try and be what we like to call: hip. I cannot take it anymore, and I can control my dosage of SC so I now will begin my week long boycott of the show.

SportsCenter does nothing for me anymore. I just want the scores, which I can find and create my own opinions about. I love sports and believe I always will but SportsCenter is just pointless. If you watch the show, try and notice all the "cool" innuendo's or popular quotes the anchors try and use. To me, it just seems the show is all about being "cool"

Update

Currently I am in extended spring training which is exactly what it sounds like, its an extended version of spring training. Extended is like the 13th grade of high school. Well pretend you get held back in the 12th grade, and all of your best friends have moved on to college and adulthood, when you get out of school and talk to them each day you know that no matter how bad their day was in in college, you are still stuck in high school. That is a terrible analogy but maybe it will help sum up just what extended is like.
Although I am still in extended there are still quite a few positive things happening with my baseball career.
First and foremost, I'm still here. I am still a part of a great organization and have a lot of close friends and co-workers I have met a long the way, so I'm am thankful for that. I have missed a lot of time due to injury but I am still grateful for the opportunity the Rays are still giving me. Another thing, I am not getting any younger and as each day passes I realize just how lucky I am to have made it this far and also how blessed I have been to still have a chance. In a career that is saturated with young healthy talent, being the age I currently am is considered a veteran. I really do thank the Rays for being so patient with me on this long long road back, if someway I could pay the back on the field, I'd love that!
Second, I am pitching regularly now. Although my "stuff" isn't exactly back to where it was when I was completely healthy, for two months now I have thrown everyday and haven't missed a day because of injury. I must say, everyday is a challenge for me to say the least. Each day is tough on my repaired shoulder and I really do fight with it each day. I may be a softie off the field but when it comes through throwing through pain and discomfort on the field, I'm the champ. Some days are better than others though. I have, recently, seen a dim light at the end of the tunnel. The light is ever so dim, but I have seen it. There are days where I go out and throw and the ball just seems to have a little extra life on it, but there are just as many days where I'm struggling to even want to throw. My shoulder just isn't used to the work load yet. But I believe it will get there.
Lastly, I am throwing around three innings or 50 pitches each time I take the mound. That is saying a lot for the shoulder I am currently living with. I have now thrown three different starts on this plan..
My first start went really well according to my standards: 3ip, 0 runs, 2 hits, 3 k's and no walks. I had a feel for all of my pitches and was pitching to my strengths. Both my 2 and 4-seam fastballs were going right where I wanted them to. The only downside to my outing was my fastball velocity, I was pitching 85-87 mph. Although my results were great in my eyes, in the eyes of the front office, I needed to get more velocity. I would rate my first game a 6.5 out of 10.
My second three inning or 50 pitch game I was given one assignment: throw the ball as hard as you can. The front office said I needed to get my FB velocity up and throughout the week leading up to my start I heard the same thing from the coaching staff on more than one occasion. My whole goal was to just throw it hard, try to trust my arm and really let it go. It was a challenge, my arm wasn't really cooperating in the warm ups so I was a little skeptical about really letting it go. Once the game got going and I felt a little more comfortable, I turned up the heat. I asked more of my arm than I ever have and it responded. My FB velocity jumped from 85-87 five days prior, to 87-89 in just five days. My results weren't great though: 3ip, 7h, 6runs, 2k's, BB. Although I was down about me getting hit all over the ballpark, my assignment was to throw hard. And I did(well hard for me) I received some good comments post game because I followed through with my assignment. I would rate my second game a 6 out of 10.
Outing three was yesterday. I was a little nervous to see how my arm would hold up after asking so much from it in my previous outing. To be honest, it was a bit of a let down. My arm didn't respond well at all. The entire week of throwing was a bit of a drag and I didn't really have any good days in between my two starts. With that said, the results of my outing were a little better: 3ip, 1h, 0 runs, 2k's, 1 hbp, bb. My FB velocity was 84-86 and I think I touched 88 once. It was a struggle to get through yesterday, I'd say it was one of my toughest outings yet just because my arm was really bothering me. I did not feel like I could trust my arm at all. I was scared to let the ball go. It was tough. Nonetheless, I survived with a zero on the scoreboard. I would rate my third game a 4 out of 10.