Saturday, March 27, 2010

Outing #1

The long wait for outing one is finally over. Friday(3/26) I threw my first inning against a team wearing a different color uniform. It was one of those moments I'll always remember..

The bus left Port Charlotte at 11:20 in the morning headed toward Sarasota, Florida. The weather, was overcast with a slight mist, although it was warm. It was quite a different experience for me being on a bus, one of those things I knew I'd been a part of, but not in some time. I mean, its been two and a half years since I last went on a baseball trip, so the experience wasn't unexpected. For those of you who aren't really sure why I was on a bus in spring training, I'll explain. The Baltimore Orioles hold their spring training in Sarasota and we, the Tampa Bay Rays, alternate home and away games with their ball club so each team can get game experience before the season starts. It was our turn to go on the road, so we loaded the bus and headed up I-75.

Our starting pitcher was on a pitch limit of 65 pitches or four innings, whatever came first. He cruised threw the first inning, and ran into a little trouble in his second. In his third inning his pitch count started to get a little high so in preparation for my inning, I began a light stretch. My coach then told me our starter was done after three. I thought uh-oh I better hurry! I had planned on throwing the fifth inning especially after watching our starter cruise through his first five outs, but now I was having to rush a little to get enough throws to loosen my arm properly. Honestly it didn't really matter to me at this moment because today was all about MY one inning. The butterflies really started to get to my stomach once I got the affirmation that I had the fourth inning. I was in the bullpen warming up when I saw the final out in the bottom half of the third inning. The fourth inning was all mine so I put the ball down in the bullpen and jogged toward our dugout. Taking my eight warm up throws really was just a relief to say the least. With all the hours of rehab and time away from the game it was here, I finally got my chance!

I towed the mound like I always had. Right side of the rubber, right foot first, then a deep breath followed by a look at home plate to get the sign from my catcher. My first thought was how close he looked. The distance didn't seem right. I knew the distance was 60ft6in but when your arm feels pretty good, it sometimes feels like the plate is only at 45ft. This is one of the best feelings as a pitcher, it makes you feel dominant. I guess it was all the adrenaline and butterflies that took my mind off my shoulder for once and allowed me to just go out and pitch without worrying about my arm. My first pitch was a fastball low and away, well, at least that was the call. I missed my spot, badly! I missed high and tight in on a left handed batters hands. Bad miss! Although I hadn't done this pitching thing in long time I still do expect a lot out of myself, and missing spots is unacceptable. At this moment, after the catcher tossed the ball back to me, I took more time than normal to take a few breaths and relax. Breathing has always been an important asset to my success on the mound. It always slowed me down and kept me in the moment allowing me to stay within myself and perform. I knew I deserved a few breaths.

1IP, 0H, 0K, 0BB. I threw 16 pitches: 13 fastballs, 2 sliders, and one change-up.
Batter 1: Fly ball to center(out 1)
Batter 2: Ground ball to third + throwing error(runner advanced to second)
Batter 3: Line-out to right(out 2)
Batter 4: Ground out to short(out 3)

It was only one inning. But it was so much more than that to me.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Another update..

My last spring training update consisted primarily of explaining, or trying to explain, how spring training works. Actually it was more about how the placement of all the players are determined. After 13 days of spring training, I'll begin explaining where I am exactly, more on my arm, and my outlook on the things that are to come.

Currently I am on the Bowling Green(low-A) roster, or in camp known as "group 4." There are also three other groups: group 1(AAA), group 2(AA), and group 3(High-A). This group is basically my working group for camp, therefore, I spend most of my day with this particular group. My group, group four, consist of mostly first year guys. Most of the guys are just out of high school experiencing their first times away from home. I'm sure it is a difficult transition for most of them, but they all seem to handle it well at least thats the way it seems on the outside. I can only imagine how difficult it must be because they are so young, usually 18 or 19. I was 18 once, seven years ago. So, I want you to try an imagine the topics of conversation that intrigues a bunch of boys with nothing but time on their hands. Yeah, you bet. Not usually the kind of conversation I enjoy. Ha! Honestly, they are all really good guys, just young and a little immature at times, that's all. I completely understand. Though meeting new people has never been a problem of mine, I probably have the reputation of being a jerk amongst group four due to my lack of interest in their "trending-topic". Although I'm consciously choosing to not participate in their day-to-day conversations, I am by no means trying to be a jerk to any of guys. I really hope they don't think I am at least. When I do engage in conversation I usually try and talk more productive things, like ball, or the world, or maybe at a later date when I'm a little more confident, my faith.

At this point in camp I couldn't be more pleased with how well my arm is responding to the unfamiliar usage it has to endure. My fear coming into camp was how it would hold up to all the throwing asked of us everyday. At this point it has held up extremely well. Like I said, I couldn't be more pleased. As of today(3/20), I have now thrown off the mound four times. My first two times off the mound this spring were just bullpen sessions. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with what a bullpen session is exactly, I'll explain. A bullpen session is when pitchers go to work on their craft, just a pitcher and a catcher. Most of the time the bullpen session is limited to a certain number of throws. In my case my number has been 40. The absolute most a pitcher should throw in the bullpen should be 45 pitches, with that said maybe you can get an idea of just how well my arm has responded. The third time I got off the mound I threw what we call in pro-ball a "live batting practice." The only difference between a bullpen and a live bp is a batter. During a live bp batters stand in the batters box and try and hit, similar to a real game. The frustrating part is I have to tell the batters what is coming. To keep the pitcher safe during a live bp a screen is placed in front of the mound to shield the pitcher from the come-backer. My most recent time off the mound was just another bullpen session of 42 throws. On Sunday(3/21) I will throw in my first intrasquad game. No screen. Just me and the catcher on a real field for the first time since September 2007.

I am not sure where I will be playing baseball this season. I have many hopes, but not real sure they are reality. My main goal is to just stay healthy, or as close to it as possible. Am I 100%? I'd have to say no. I believe through all the days of hard work and time put into rehab, I now may have a new 100%. My shoulder is no longer the way God made it and I am fully aware of that. I am aware that my new 100% may never be what it once was, but thats okay, I'll just have a new 100%. Am I close to my new 100%? I'd have to say yes. So that really does make me smile. My competitive spirit will probably never allow me to be content with how my arm feels or how well my fastball is coming out of my hand, but thats life, everyone has a difficult time settling. I always strive for something a little more, thats why I work as hard as I have. I want to be better tomorrow than I was today, and thats in all aspects of life. I do believe that if my arm were to feel the way it has the last month or so, I will pitch again.

Will my arm ever be the way God made it? No. I must accept it and continue on. I have been blessed with the opportunity to continue playing baseball, so thats what I'm going to do, I'm going to play. I have today, and I hope I am blessed with tomorrow. If God gives me a new day, I plan on being better tomorrow than I was today. Please remember, we can never get back the things that happened in the past, but we can always prepare ourselves for tomorrow. Both on the field, and off. We only have one name, and one life.

What do you want to be remembered for?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

When life hands you lemons.. (quite a long read)

This is about my arm, and me..

For those of you who don't know, I play baseball in the Tampa Bay Rays farm system. Farm system is just a fancy way of saying organization, sometimes farm system is used to simply refer to the minor leagues, so I am a minor leaguer. I was drafted by the then called Tampa Bay Devil Rays in 2007 out of Ole Miss, and spent my first year in pro-ball in Columbus, GA. Playing for the Columbus Catfish of the South Atlantic League, class Low-A, I had an up and down year, well half year. I ended up pitching around 30 innings that year for the Catfish, and when the year ended, we were champs! We took home the league championship that year, and it was so much fun. I then decided to take a week of before reporting to Instructional League, which is like a post-season spring training for a select group of players, and that is when I first began to experience some shoulder soreness. Managing to get through instructs, I was just excited to be able to take some time off after a long year of playing ball.

I picked up a throwing program in January of 2008 in preparation for the 2009 season, when that shoulder problem I first noticed back in September of 2007, really had become a major problem. I can remember trying to get through a 60 foot throwing program I couldn't even complete because of the pain. 60ft 6in is the length from the mound to home plate, and here I am throwing 60ft with a pain in my shoulder that was so intense I had to shut it down. I remember driving home that night and not being able to lift my right arm up to grab the steering wheel. I knew it was serious. I have never been very proactive about much of anything in my life up to this point, but I knew I needed to take some initiative about my shoulder. As weird as it sounds, it was a lot of me to ask of myself to give someone a call about something I thought needed to be done. I had to get my shoulder looked at by a doctor, like I said, I knew something was wrong. So, I called the Devil Rays.

After talking to the head minor league athletic trainer for the Devil Rays, we came up with a plan of attack for the situation. We decided that I should get on a plane a fly down to Tampa and get my should looked at by the team doctor. After an MRI showed some pretty significant damage to my labrum, I began to really worry. So what is the labrum? The labrum is different from the other common shoulder injury, the rotator cuff. Most have heard of the rotator cuff. The rotator cuff is a group of muscles and tendons where the labrum is a ring like structure that sits between the top of the humorous head and a part of the should blade. It basically acts as a cushion. The labrum is made of cartilage, and the rotator cuff is mostly muscles. I began a pre-hab at home in Tupelo to begin strengthening my shoulder to see if we could keep from having surgery. My shoulder bad become stronger and more stable, but the labrum just wouldn't get any better.

After spring training 2008 I decided to go ahead and have my shoulder operated on. On April 10, 2008 Dr. James Andrews operated on my shoulder. I remember waking up to him telling me he had done a lot of work in there. I didn't know just how serious he was. When I was in more of a comprehensive state of mind I had the operation better explained to me. I was told of the 360 degrees of a circle, 270 had to be repaired. Meaning 270 degrees of my labrum had been torn. Dr. Andrews used what he called "anchors" to attach my labrum back to the bone, where it belongs. A total of nine anchors were used in the operation. The common labrum surgery is a labral debridement, which is when there are fragments of the labrum causing some discomfort in the shoulder, in this operation there are no anchors needed. Its better understood simply as clipping a hang nail. So a labral debridement is basically like clipping a hang nail. No repair needed, just a little clip here and there. My problem was a little more complex than this. I needed a labrum repair. The common labrum repair usually consist of no more than two anchors, I have nine. So the extent of my shoulder pain may be better explained by those nine anchors. It was something serious. Gosh it was painful. For those of you who don't know, Drew Brees had the same shoulder surgery as I have. I believe he has 11 anchors. His labrum tear was caused by a forceful hit where he landed awkwardly. Dr. Andrews said my shoulder was in the top 5% of the worst shoulder surgeries he had done for a competitive overhand thrower. Im guessing Drew Brees is probably the 1%. Things have worked out well for him!! HA!!

Missing all of the 2008 season really was a disappointment. I spent the entire season, From April through the middle of October living in St. Petersburg, Florida rehabbing my shoulder. Rehab was six days a week. It was a long but eventful summer, I got lucky and had some awesome roommates. We kept ourselves busy away from the field with a number of hobbies. Although missing a year of playing ball seemed so tragic at first, it wasn't all that bad. I understood the rehab process was going to be long, so I tried to make the best of what I was given. I was constantly telling myself, "you'll be back in a year." I made a lot of progress that summer, but it was slow. It was the smallest of baby steps. I just kept reminding myself, "you'll be back in a year!"

One year later, it was now March 2009 and spring training was beginning. I showed up to camp in 2009 with the belief that I was going to break with a team at the end of camp and play baseball all year long. That did not happen. My shoulder just wasn't ready. I thought "okay, I'll be ready in a month," This didn't happen either. My shoulder still had a long way to go. Though I had made tremendous strides in my rehabilitation process, throwing was still very painful. This was a very difficult time for me. A lot of negative thoughts began to creep into my head: doubt, worry, frustration. Unlike the previous summer, 2009 was a lot more difficult. I spent a lot of time alone and a lot of time questioning if this was what I really wanted to do with my life. It was just a hard summer for me. I was so disappointed when I realized I was going to miss the 2009 season, just like I missed the 2008 season. Just like 2008, the 2009 season was going to be spent in rehab. UGH!

Now its March of 2010 and here we are again, spring training. Over the last year, I have had a number of convictions about the game of baseball, the gift of life, and the way I should approach 2010. I told myself I will always work hard and always put a smile on my face. The game is a kids game, it has always been fun to me and I will continue to let this game be fun to me, with or without nine anchors. I have always treated the game with respect, but also it sure is fun. I pushed my arm over the off-season harder than I ever have since surgery to prepare for 2010. I would never be able to live with myself if I knew had I worked a little harder, I could have played again. I really asked a lot of my arm over the off-season, and over time it began responding.

Though I have not yet participated in a baseball game since 2007, I am currently participating in all the drills, all the runs, and all the laughs. It has been a very long and difficult two years, due to a number of different things. At this point, right here and right now, all I have is today. All anyone has right now is today. All I can do is pray to God to give me tomorrow, and if he does, try and live a life worth following. I have today and also the ability to prepare already for my future. At 25, I finally understand that the things I do today will remain with me the rest of my life.

What do you want to be remembered for?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Spring Training Update

Just got back to the Days Inn from day 3 of spring training 2010. Temperature is 72 degrees and there isn't a cloud in the sky. I could use some clouds, I have a terrible sun burn. The older I get the worse I burn, it's weird. It really is a beautiful day though. I took a look at the weather back home in North Mississippi and the weather is beautiful there too. My dad had some dirt come in today to help level out the back yard, he has been concerned about the weather, he didn't want it to be to wet so hopefully everything is going smoothly there. Watched some of the Oscars last night, was it just me or did George Clooney look like he did not like the jokes directed his way from the co-host, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin? I believe the 82nd Oscars were the first I have ever watched. I should add, I did not watch the entire show however, it was one of two shows I flipped back and fourth between. On HBO there is a new series, I caught an episode of 'How to Make It in America' and really enjoyed what little bit I saw. The cast was somewhat recognizable to me so I gave it a chance. Seems like it could have the potential to be pretty good to me or at least something I believe I would enjoy while I have HBO here at the Days Inn. I probably ended up only watching about 35% of the Oscars. I could talk more about this, but I will choose otherwise.

As far as how things have been going at the ball field, I would say they are going about as well as I could have hoped for. Day one was really long, a lot longer than most days due to the physicals. My physical time was at 7a.m. At about 10 that first morning I was really tired and found myself yawning, a lot! Yawning is one of those things you don't really want anyone to see you do on the first day. So, keeping that in my seemed to be my main focus throughout the rest of the workout. With everyone finished with physicals, it was about noon, we then finally got to go do baseball activities.

To explain a little how spring training works. The entire minor league camp is broken up into 4 different groups: AAA(triple-A), AA(double-A), High-A, and Low-A. The placement of the players depends mostly on where that player finished up the previous year. So, a player who ended 2009 in Low-A, will start spring training, in this case spring training 2010, in the AA group. Seemingly skipping High-A. Although it does seem that way, it is not however the truth. I'll explain. Spring training basically has two different camps going on at the same time: big league camp and minor league camp. Before spring training ever begins for the minor leaguers, a few lucky minor league players, usually the top prospects in the organization, are invited to big league spring camp. Their time in big league camp will come to an end at some point during the month of March, but just being invited to big league camp is a HUGE honor. As the season approaches the players will then be sent down from big league camp to minor league camp. Since each roster can only have 25 players, people have to move. As stated earlier, the players who are invited to big league camp are usually top prospects, so their move from big league camp isn't that far. Most of the players sent down will stop in AAA, therefore, causing players that are already in AAA to be sent down to AA, and those in AA to be sent to High-A, and so on. So, the player who ended 2009 in Low-A, will start spring training 2010 in AA, and due to the "trickle-down" effect that player will, at some point, be end spring training 2010 in the High-A group.

If you have any questions, tips or advise about my blogging, please let me know. I will be more than willing to listen or answer and questions anyone asks. Thank you for reading, and God bless!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

My trip to Port Charlotte

I'm not exactly sure how this blog will turn out, or if I will even make blogging a new habit of mine. I am an awfully passive person when it comes to constructive habits such as reading, blogging, and eating healthy. Although, when it comes to things like sleeping in, fast food, video games, not reading, procrastination, useless thoughts, I am one of the best. Notice my non-constructive list outweighs my constructive list by a long shot. This is something I want to fix, I want to feel more constructive, become more positive, and try and be structured. With that little bit said, here is a "d" students* version of some things that I experience and the thoughts that accompany these events.

Today was the first day of spring training 2010 for the Tampa Bay Rays minor league players. Pitchers and catchers reported today, March 6th, for our first workout. After a long drive from Tupelo, Mississippi yesterday, I was exhausted. I somehow managed to turn a 12-13 hour drive to more like a 14-15 hour drive. I totally blame the Garmin. Darn thing had me go through Nashville to get to Florida. Well thats a complete lie, but it seemed that way. Ha, for some reason, at times I was told to turn one what seemed like two-lane county roads. I should change my settings or something, I don't know what was up with my Garmin's brain. Im sitting there cruising along in interstate mode and boom, two-lane! Some of the speed limits were as low as 35mph. Well with this interstate mind frame I was in caught up to me in the form of a patrol car from somewhere in southwest Georgia. I was pulled over for going 57 in a 45. I knew it too. In the recent pursuit of my degree in law enforcement, I learned more than I thought I did from talking to sheriff deputies about what civilians should do when pulled over to better their chances of maybe driving off without a ticket. I needed every bit of the things I learned and a good attitude from the police officer to escape this one. Luckily for me, to make a really long story short, I escaped the state of Georgia without a speeding ticket. Also, unbeknownst to me, a lot more than just a speeding ticket. It was one of those situations where you just get lucky. I got lucky yesterday, although as I said earlier, it was something I was completely unaware of.

Anyhow, I was eventually back in my car and driving south. I don't respond well to getting into trouble, can't really say I know anyone who does, but when I am faced with a situation like my speeding violation, I get really nervous. For the lack of a better reference, I don't have a good poker face. I was scared, honestly, scared. I pulled over about 5 miles down the road to "fill-up"(had a little more than half a tank), but I know it was to let myself "cool-off." It wasn't an hour later, I was cruising along in the left lane on I-10 just east of Tallahassee when the green BMW in front of me slammed on the brakes and swerved her car into the median, I followed. I hit my brakes and the anti-lock brake system in my car kicked in and I swerved my car into the median as well, dodging her car and coming to a stop quickly there after. Other than slamming on the brakes on I-10, the close encounter went as well as it could have. I wasn't hurt, neither was the young girl in the BMW. Other than being a little spooked, my car and I were both okay. To my knowledge, everyone ended up okay. Needless to say after my run in with the police and my near accident, I drove 10 and 2 the rest of the way.

The rest of the trip was all interstate and not as eventful. Once I get to Tampa, I feel like I am home just because of the familiarity of the roads there. I ended up making it to Port Charlotte around 9:30 last night, only four and a half hours after the required check in time for the players, 5p.m. I grabbed a quick bite to eat at none other than Walgreens, which is next door. It was more like a snack. I got in the shower and then ready for bed.

I thank the Lord for letting me arrive here safely, and also for the blessing he has given me with the opportunity the continue chasing a childhood dream of mine.